


Hopeless Sanctum

by Sins_of_Tragedy



Category: Dangan Ronpa, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: AU, Angst, F/F, F/M, M/M, slight death note reference, tons of angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-16
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-08-09 04:00:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 28,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7785964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sins_of_Tragedy/pseuds/Sins_of_Tragedy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Could he beat fate? Could he outsmart destiny? Was it possible for him to change Hinata’s fate? It didn’t matter. He was never going to let fate have Hinata. His death was never marked, so that had to mean something. No matter what is was, he was determined to find out what it meant. Fate would never have him, not with Komaeda here. He had the devil’s luck on his side, maybe even the devil himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hopeless

His fingers gracefully danced around the handle, a crazed grin on his face. He knew what he was doing and he didn't mind. If anything he wanted this, more than anything. Hope was all he even had left. 

His eyes darted around the quiet and dim lit room. He wouldn't miss this place. No one would even miss him. It's not like anyone cared. No should have to care about living scum. He was the equivalent to a piece of gum on someone's shoe, annoying and can be brushed off. His life wasn't important: he had never been important in the first place. 

A bright light flickered and was gone as fast as he had blinked, making him think it was just his mind playing tricks on him. The atmosphere had changed drastically from a creepy one to a comfortable one. The light flickered again but this time Nagito had caught it with his eyes. It was a golden color, looking kind of like the sun.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” A soft voice whispered into his ear, arms he didn’t recognize wrapping around his waist. Something soft and white encased the two of them into a small ball. His eyes widened as he noticed they were made of feathers and were a pure, snow white. The white feathers caressed him in a safe embrace, his body now feeling a sweet warmth. 

He felt his body twitch. “It's a shame that you want to kill yourself. There is still hope for you.” The person told him. His eyes watered. “Is there? Will there ever be hope for me?” He asked. They nodded pulling away from him, a sweet and comforting smile on their face. He looked the person over. It was a girl who looked around his age with light pink hair that was cut short. 

“What's your name?” He asked as he held onto her like a safety line. “I'm your guardian angel Nagito Komaeda. My name is Chiaki Nanami and I will be your new parent or guardian.” 

Nagito Komaeda opened his eyes, looking into the same dark atmosphere like every other day. Looking into the deep dark void that encompassed him everyday. After staring blankly at his cream colored ceiling, he let out a sigh and proceeded to get out of bed, pulling himself away from the warm embracement of his bed. He couldn’t lie that he wanted to stay in his bed all day. He’d rather be anywhere else than here. Ah, but nonetheless Nanami-san would have been worried. So, like any other day, he stretched and cringed when his feet touched the cold wooden floor. He should really buy a rug or something to not feel this cold floor. Once his feet got used to the cold, he trudged out of his room, down the stairs and peeked into the kitchen. Nanami-san was sat on a chair in the kitchen, rubbing her temple like she had a headache or something. Nagito watched her with guilt. He knew this was pretty much his fault. She didn’t have to look after him like this. She could have just kicked him to the curb like any other bag of useless trash, but she decided to take him in. Ah, he really didn’t deserve her kindness. He didn’t deserve any act of kindness at all: he was trash afterall. He hadn’t noticed her looking at him with the same warm smile a mother gave her child. “Good morning, Nagito. Have a good sleep?” She was pretty much a mother to him. Afterall, he had lost his parents in that plane crash, and all due to his luck cycle. It wasn’t fair, but then again he knew life wasn’t fair. He was such garbage that didn't deserve Nanami-san’s guidance.

Such a waste. Pure luck was how he survived the plane crash. Now he feared to get close to anyone, because he convicted that his luck would affect them. Even kill them. The only person he could be close too without hurting them was Nanami. After all,she was already dead. He felt somewhat shocked that such a pure angel would want to dirty themselves with the burden and sin of taking care of Komaeda, yet she did it nevertheless. Such pure hope. 

He mustered a small smile while mumbling a good morning to her as he opened the door to the fridge. He didn't answer her question about his sleep, because he knew that she already knew how it was. Horrendous. He was surprised that he didn't have bags under his eyes from the lack of sleep because of his studying. He also wasn't particularly excited for school today either. For the past few days, his classmates had been going ballistic over a new student attending the school, funny enough that he found it pathetic really. He was a new student, nothing special. 

His eyes glanced at the clock, letting out a sigh and went back to his room telling Nanami goodbye so he could get ready for school. He stepped into his dark room and pulled the chain to his lamp, a dim light brightening the room and he lit a match, lighting his vanilla scented candle. Blowing it out and throwing it away, he started his normal routine. He put on his regular white shirt with a red hook design on it with his blue jeans and chain belt. He grabbed his signature green and red parka with the number 55 printed on the back, slipping it on. His iPhone sat on the nightstand and he contemplated on taking it. In the end, he grabbed it along with his earbuds shoving them into his pocket. He snatched his book bag and with one last goodbye to Nanami, he was off to school. 

He hadn't expected anything to change really. His eyes looked above his classmates heads, reading the numbers. 7/22/XX, 2/10/XX, 5/19/XX. He shrugged it off, not paying much attention to them. He knew what they meant, Nanami had told him a while back ago. It was surprising that letting an angel become your guardian would give you this fancy ability to see the dates when his classmates would pass. 11/23/XX, 1/4/XX, 6/27/XX. His eyes shifted back to the work they were doing. But something was bothering him. He didn't know what but something in his gut was just nagging at him.

Once he had let the hallways clear, he decided to go to the school library. It was his favorite place in the entire building. The library was always a calm and quiet place, only few people actually spent their time there. As he made his way down the hallway, his slight heels of his zipper shoes clicking and clacking along the way, the noise echoing through the hall, he noticed a male he hadn't seen before. A number wasn't displayed above him, confusing the albino a little. He just assumed that the power would ware off and come back some time again. The male was about average height, Nagito still a tad bit taller, and he had spiky hazelnut hair with one piece of hair sticking up. The brunette looked confused as he read the map, and against Nagito's better judgement of just leaving the kid to figure it out, he strides over to him. 

“Hey, you alright?” He asked, making the brunette turn around in a shocked manner. He let out a sigh once calming down. “No. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm a bit lost.” Nagito felt his heartbeat accelerate. “Ah, um, where are you looking to go?” He asked, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his parka. Why was he getting so nervous? He just met this person! He didn't even know the guy's name for god's sake! He kept reminding himself to not have physical contact, he knew what would happen and he frankly didn't want to experience the pain of someone else's death. 

The brunette smiled, relieved that someone was helping him out. “Oh I'm trying to get to the library.” Nagito chuckled, making the brunette’s eyebrow rise. “Well I just find it coincidental that we're both going to the same place.”

“Ah, well my name is Hajime Hinata. I'm new to the academy.” So he was the new student… interesting. “My name is Nagito Komaeda. Nice to meet you Hinata-kun. Well I guess lets-”

“Wait.”

Once Hinata's hand held Nagito's arm, the albino dropped his things. His eyes were wide as he felt himself start to shake.

He saw a girl. She was blurry and all but he could make out pigtails and blue eyes. 

Blood.

Despair.

Red.

Death.

Chaos.

A flash of white sparked. He saw a figure standing in the distance. Average height, brown hair, ahoge. They smiled before he heard the glass of a mirror shatter and behind the mirror stood a male. Average height. Long deep brown or even black hair. Red eyes. 

Emotionless.

An empty void of red.

Numb.

So unbelievably numb.

Then pitch black.

When he came to consciousness, his eyes fluttered open and was met with blinding light. He squinted. Was he in heaven? His head turned to the side and he looked out a window. It was cloudy outside but cars still passed by and he studied every car and house out of the window. He concluded that he was in the infirmary. He tried to sit up, but immediately went back down when a sharp pain ripped through his head and groaned. His head felt like it was going to split open, and his hand clutched the blanket. Another groan emitted from him.

“Hey… You alright?” A voice whispered, but to Nagito it was like a loud shout, echoing off the walls making his head throb worse. He groaned again as he felt a hand touch his forearm. He winced. “Open your mouth. The nurse gave me some medicine to give you.” The albino obliged, opening his mouth and he felt the pills fall into his mouth landing on his tongue. He held them there waiting for the water, then swallowed them once the water made its way down his throat. From what he assumed, he thought that the pills were more than likely painkillers.

“H-how is he d-doing?”Tsumiki. Nagito knew it was her, she was the ultimate nurse and he was in her class. She was a shy and timid girl, clumsy at times, but a sweet and gentle soul indeed. “He should be fine soon. I gave him the painkillers like you instructed. Thank you Tsumiki.” Hinata had thanked her making her smile a little. “I-It's no p-problem. I-I am t-the u-ultimate n-nurse after all.” She walked out, leaving the two alone in an awkward silence. 

Nagito felt the throbbing in his his head cut back by like two. It was dulling the pain but not fast enough for his liking. The albino male remembered this happening to him once, when he was around fifteen. He had gone out with Nanami to buy some groceries. Nanami hadn't noticed that Nagito had walked off, wanting to explore the store. Being the klutz he is, he fell and someone tried helping him up. Let's just say that experience wasn't fun in the least.

“Hey Komaeda, are you doing better?” Hinata asked in a hushed tone. Nagito nodded, closing his eyes to block out the light. “Yeah I… I'm fine.” He could sense Hinata's eyes on him, making him slightly uncomfortable. “Komaeda…” Hinata said again. “Yes, Hinata-kun?” 

“I just wanted to thank you for helping me earlier. It was really nice of you. So thank you friend.” Nagito shot up from the bed, scaring Hinata making him fall off the chair he was sitting in. “Owwwwwwwwwww.” Hinata groaned as he rubbed the back of his head. Nagito giggled a little bit. “I’m sorry I just wasn’t expecting you to call me a friend. Heh, you are my first after all.” He smiled at the brunette who was frowning at him. “Do you feel better now? At least a little maybe?” Hinata picked himself up off the floor and dusted his clothes off while glancing at Nagito who nodded and stood up from the bed. “Yes, i think i'm better. Thank you for looking after me. Come on Hinata-kun, let’s get back to class.”

Nagito regretted not staying in the nurse’s office with the ultimate nurse, Mikan Tsumiki. Now, he had gym. With all his other classmates. And Hinata-kun. Just great. They were playing dodgeball. Shit. 

Nidai and Owari were on the same team along with Sonia, Tanaka, Kuzuryuu, Pekoyama, Hinata, and himself. The other team was Mioda, Koizumi, Hanamura, and his other classmates. What sucked though was that the other class was there too. It was a class of sixteen students just like his.

Makoto Naegi  
Kyouko Kirigiri  
Byakuya Togami  
Aoi Asahina  
Yasuhiro Hagakure   
Touko Fukawa   
Sayaka Maizono   
Leon Kuwata  
Mondo Oowada  
Chihiro Fujisaki   
Kiyotaka Ishimaru   
Hifumi Yamada  
Celestia Ludenberg   
Sakura Oogami  
Mukuro Ikusaba  
Junko Enoshima

It was set up tournament style. Eight students from class 78 versus eight students from class 77. And of course Komaeda’s team was against the team that consisted of athletic people. Komaeda was scared; Kuwata was the ultimate baseball player. He was completely screwed.

The game started and he watched as Hinata ran up to grab a ball, sliding across the floor and throwing the ball, managing to get out Owada. Owada shrugged and walked to the bleachers. Hinata jumped up from the floor and Nidai tossed him a ball. Sonia managed to knock out Asahina, but was then taken out by Ogami. Tanaka hit Hagakure and Ishimaru, sending them both to the bleachers. Kuwata took out Kuzuryuu and Owari. Not too much of a shock. 

Nagito was too busy admiring Hinata. Hinata knocked out both Maizono and Yamada. It was so amazing to him that Hinata was so athletic. He was practically leading the game! 

“Komaeda!” He heard someone shout, but was too late as a dodgeball hit him in the face, knocking him off his feet. He hit his head on the floor, wind being knocked out of him. Black dots swam around in his vision. He groaned, slowly sitting up. He could feel Hinata's worried eyes on his figure but he just stood up and walked to the bleachers with the other players. 

Sonia looked concerned as he limped over. “Komaeda-kun, that was a nasty fall. I would suggest going to the nurse's office.” 

He just smiled, waving her off. “Don't worry about me Sonia-san! I'll be fine sooner or later. It's what I get for not paying attention to the game!” She sighed, and turned her attention back to the game.

Nagito walked out of the gym, rubbing the back of his head. It didn't relieve any pain whatsoever. This officially sucked. 

“Komaeda!” A voice shouted. He turned around to see a blonde running up to him. “Sonia-san? Is something wrong?” She paused, catching her breath. “Komaeda-kun, I know you don't really know me on a personal level but I am an acquaintance and your fellow classmate. Therefore, I would suggest going to the nurse's office or at least get yourself an ice pack.” She rushed her words, while Nagito smiled. “Don’t worry Sonia-san! I’m fine! The pain is already numbing and I can barely feel it anymore. You don’t have to worry about trash like me!” 

She looked at him with a frown, empathy clear in her eyes. “Komaeda-kun, you are not trash. I don’t know why you believe this statement but you are not trash.” The smile on Nagito’s face never wavered as he just laughed and walked away. In reality, the blow to the head hurt to the point where he felt dizzy and would actually feel black dots clouding his vision as different points of time. In fact, he-

THUD!

“Oh, ow! Ow ow ow ow ow ow!” He stepped away from Diablo (aka the wall) and rubbed his nose gently trying to help numb some of the pain. He was really having a ball with his luck cycle today. It’s just been one bad thing after another. When was his good luck going to kick in?

“Komaeda!” A voice shouted at him, and he glanced around, seeing that long spiked up piece of hair. Hinata. A smile graced his lips, as the brunette ran up to him, panting, attempting to catch his breath. His smile could light up the whole town if it wanted too. As Hinata struggled for breath, he waited patiently with his normal smile. “Hello Hinata-kun!”

“Hey Ko, I was wondering if I could sit with you at lunch today.” The brunette leaned against the wall, his arms behind his back. 

Huh, this was odd. He hadn’t expected Hinata to ask to sit with trash like him. Surely there was someone else that Hinata could sit with, after all who would want to spend time with trash like himself. Plus Hinata must have met some other people. Sonia was a sweet person who was a very friendly girl. There was Mioda as well who was a loud person but she was still an outgoing person. Mioda and Sonia were practically friends with everyone! He had to have interacted with them at some point. 

“Are you sure that you want to? I mean, surely there are other people that you would rather sit with than me.” He asked ignoring the pounding in his head and his now throbbing nose. He would probably need an aspirin later. “Komaeda, yes I want to sit with you. You’re the first friend I’ve made here.” He honestly thought he had imagined Hinata saying he was his friend. He stood there staring at him waiting for him to laugh in his face and admit that he had been joking. But after a minute of silence, his eyes widened. “Wait...you aren’t joking that i’m your first friend? I’m your friend, me???” He pointed at himself in disbelief as Hinata nodded. “Um yeah? Of course you’re my friend.” Nagito’s shock dissolved into laughter as he held his stomach. “You’re funny Hinata-kun! Oh I thought for a moment you were being sincere; ah what a good actor you are!”

Before Hinata could answer he walked away still laughing as tears started forming in his eyes. “Ah...what a funny thing to say.” His legs made their way to the nearest bathroom, stumbling occasionally. Him? Known as a friend??? Hah! Hinata-kun was a real comedian. 

Scum like him could never be known as a friend. He was just trash. His purpose was to be used by every human being close to him. But did he mind? No, certainly not! It was the only good thing he was used for. He was meant to be used. He was forever meant to be scum. He was forever supposed to be the one who was used by anyone who had more potential than him. He was never meant to be someone with real talent nor real benefit to the world. He was just...trash.

He pushed open the door to the bathroom, his legs wobbling. He stumbled to the mirror, using the sink as a support so he wouldn’t fall. His grey eyes stared at his reflection carefully, examining all his pitiful features. Trashy eyes, ratty looking hair, ugly face. He was the human equivalent to trash. His hand tightened, forming a fist as he never took his eyes off his face. The side that stared back was pitiful at best, but it held so many secrets. So many things he never wanted anyone to know. Especially Hinata-kun. He couldn’t know. Hinata could only know the facade he placed to hide the pitiful person he truly was. Such an ugly man. He didn’t deserve anything because he was utterly worthless. 

He didn’t know whether it was his luck or if he had willing come, but the door quickly opened and he stood there panting. Nagito’s eye widened, tears still running down his cheeks. Hinata’s gaze softened, a sweet smile gracing his face. He didn’t say a word as he quickly wrapped his arms around the albino in an embrace, surprising the male. His breathing hitched in his throat as he stared at the brunettes sweet smile in wonder. This...was odd. He wasn’t used to this. The warmth the brunette radiated enveloped him and he tensed slightly. “Hinata...kun?” 

“It’s okay Ko, I promise. Everything will be okay.” 

Nagito couldn’t help but tear up more as he felt his heart tug. He hesitantly wrapped his arms around him and squeezed as the tears freely fell from his eyes. This male was becoming someone precious to him. He was kind, caring towards garbage like himself. 

Could he beat fate? Could he outsmart destiny? Was it possible for him to change Hinata’s fate? It didn’t matter. He was never going to let fate have Hinata. His death was never marked, so that had to mean something. No matter what is was, he was determined to find out what it meant. Fate would never have him, not with Komaeda here. He had the devil’s luck on his side, maybe even the devil himself.


	2. Incapable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Words in the apostrophes are Komaeda's thoughts btw. And i flip flop between using 'Nagito' and 'Komaeda'. Sometimes I use his first, and sometimes I use his last, sorry if that bothers you!

Nagito continued through his day as he passed the lunch quarter. He had sat outside with Hinata against his better judgement. They had talked about nothing in particular and playfully bantered, all in good fun. His fascination with the male only grew along with the tugging of his heartstrings. He did not quite understand what it all meant for him, or even if the other felt that same tug. However the date of his death still never appeared above him. And he still could not make sense of the vision he had received once he made contact with his skin. That vision seemed blurry to him now, slipping from his subconscious slowly. He was quickly forgetting about it with every minute passing, and it made him baffled. This problem had never happened before, in fact he could still remember quite a few of his own class mates deaths. For example, Mioda would die from strangulation, Koizumi would die from a wound to her head with a blunt object, Saionji would have her throat slit, Twogami would die from being impaled, so on and so forth. He remembered the deaths easily and was reminded every time he saw or interacted with those classmates. However he was only shown that person’s death once, so even if he did touch Hinata again, he unfortunately would not be able to see the vision again. He cursed himself for letting it slip from his mind so quickly, however he knew that this was not all his doing. 

“Yo, Komaeda!” A voice shouted, snapping him out of his thoughts and bringing him back to reality around him. Hinata-kun was standing by his desk, hovering over him with his hand on the desk. His eyes drifted up to an olive shade of green, filled with concern. “Are you alright?” His eyes were filled with concern and worry, two emotions Nagito was used to seeing. He chuckled, “Ah I’m fine, Hinata-kun!” He waved his hands and smiled, apologetically almost to which made Hinata frown. “Are you sure? You know you can tell me what’s wrong, right?” 'Oh of course, but if I told you that I can see when and how people die, would you really believe that? You’d think i’m crazy, and cast me aside, hoping I get put in the looney bin...not that I haven’t been there before. And it’s not like I haven’t been institutionalized either, but what you don’t know does not kill you.' He thought bitterly, but continued to smile. “Of course! But I promise, I’m fine.” 

In actuality he was surprised that he was still sane anymore. He thought he would have been enrolled in a mental asylum long ago, however Nanami-san was kind enough to take him in and act as his guardian. Of course, he still wanted to kill himself, that urge had never changed, however Hinata complicated things. He complicated everything now. It would be harder to kill himself of course, because of Hinata’s concerned behavior after the bathroom incident. He would be constantly asking to come over, much to the annoyance of Komaeda because he didn’t want Hinata to find out anything. He didn’t want him to find out about his parents. He didn’t want him knowing about his time in an orphanage. He didn’t want him to know about his diagnosis, that didn’t affect him anymore. He didn’t want him to know about being institutionalized. But most of all, he didn’t want him to know that he was now a monster. He was what people would consider abnormal or peculiar. He didn’t want Hinata to be scared of him, because he was one person Komaeda truly trusted. 

But then the looming threat over his head was his luck cycle. If he got too close to Hinata, then there was a likely possibility that he could get hurt or, worse, die. He could not allow that, not…again. Hinata couldn’t get too close, otherwise Komaeda will have to go through his daze of paranoia, a daze he never enjoyed but lived nonetheless. His constant fear of someone close to him, one he cared for and loved, dying because of him was something that haunted him. It was one of the reasons why he always stayed at arm’s length with his classmates because he always had the looming threat of his luck, and it was scary. 

Now that he had signed a contract with Nanami-san, he was immune to his sicknesses like his lymphoma and dementia, however that did not mean his thought process had changed. He still believed he was utter scum and completely worthless. He was not immune to pain, in fact now his senses were enhanced. The pain in his head and nose was doubled, almost tripled even. They were throbbing horribly.

“Hey Ko, I really think you should go back to the nurse's office. Your nose is starting to become purple.” Hinata continued, leaning a bit closer. He ever so gently grazed his finger on the tip of Nagito’s nose, making him flinch in pain. “See?”

“N-No I’m o-okay. I promise, i’m alright Hinata-kun. A-agh.” He flinched again, balling his left hand into a fist in a feeble attempt to help with the pain. His smile faltered slightly, only for a fraction of a second, before he regained his composure. However, he was absolutely positive that Hinata had seen, because he frowned. “You obviously aren’t. Come on, you need to go to the office.”

'No, i’m not going. I’m fine. I’m perfectly fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. You are not going to know. You will know absolutely nothing about me. Nothing. I can not risk losing you, not to my luck, not to fate, not even to me. Things you don’t need to know will not kill you, however I predict that you will become curious, which is something I can not afford.'

“No, I assure I am fine, Hinata-kun.”

“Komae-” He held up his hand silencing the brunette. “Hinata.” He deadpanned. “I am fine. I do not need to venture to the nurse's office for assistance. The day is almost over, and once we leave, I will go home and mend the wounds myself. I will be fine until then.” The brunette opened his mouth as to say something, but shut it as his resolve weakened. A frown still adorned his face as he let out a sigh. 

'Hinata-kun is stubborn and persistent. Traits I somehow adore and yet despise at the same time. Valuable information though nonetheless. I, however, don’t understand why I yearn to be by you so much. What is it about you that is alluring to me? You seem so… special from the others. That vision… I can’t seem to recall anything that had occurred. I’m sure I saw it, but I cannot remember anything that actually occurred.' 

A pounding in his head began forming, making him rub his temple. He grunted and shook his head. Black dots formed in his vision quickly, swarming around and blocking a few of his classmates, and started making his vision go blurry. However he was not able to focus on the pain in his head for long as his teacher came into the room, gathering the materials for their lesson.

The end of the day had finally come. Nagito quickly exited the classroom in an attempt to escape from the brunette, who was becoming too concerned for his own good. He hastily hurried down the hall, going as fast as he possibly could for his lanky figure. He was almost to the stairs when a voice called out his name. “Komaeda!” His eyes widened, eyebrow twitching. He quickly turned and was knocked down. His body was sent crashing to the tile, tumbling down the first half of the stairs. Black was all he could see for a moment until blue eyes met his vision and a wicked smile, before it disappeared a second later. He could imagine all the students gathering around him laughing and pointing. Snickering and taking photos. Just as it had always been. This was his reality. He was always going to constantly embarrass himself, making himself the laughing stock of the school. But that’s what happened to worthless people like him. It was all fun and games until someone got hurt… sure. He deserved this, the pain and ache only making him pleased. The pain made him numb, and it felt… succulent. No one helped him, no one cared, it was just the way it should be for utter scum like him. The selfish desires to be sane again were only but a dream now, as he was too far gone. He never mattered to anyone…

… Right… ?

He groaned out in pain, that groan ever so slightly turning in a dark chuckle. That dark chuckle that made everyone scared of him. “Ah...aha. Hahahahaha, ah~” He took a gasp of air, smiling widely. “That felt nice. Thank you to whoever pushed me down the stairs.” He sat up, his piercing eyes sparkled with insanity landing on the group of students ahead of him. They flinched, fear quickly crawling their spines. “I do hope you all enjoyed your free photos of garbage like me. I love that you all treat me like the scum I am. Ah, it makes me so happy.” He laughed again, gasping for air. “Ahahahahahaha!”

“Tch, shut up.” With that a fist collided with his cheek. He took a minute to process, then smiled widely like the cheshire cat. He stayed quiet as the students hurried to leave him there, not one having the intention of helping. Not that he cared. That didn’t matter. This had happened so many times before, that he was so used to the utter humiliation. Once he was alone, he sat in the stairwell, leaning against the wall and blankly staring, as pain surged through him. His eyes were half lidded, his consciousness fading in and out. He felt something warm touch his hand. “Komaeda…” A voice whispered quietly, almost gently. “Hey...can you hear me? Ko?” He grunted in response, opening his eyes slightly. A beautiful olive shade of eyes met his. “Here, I’ll help you up.” Two arms lifted him up and hoisted him into the air, bridal style he assumed. He would have normally rejected but fatigue gripped at his body, causing him to become dependent on the brunette. The warmth the other radiated was comforting, like a soft, fuzzy blanket that kept you completely warm from the cold. A warmth that coaxed him into a comforting sleep, nuzzling into the warmth as he closed his eyes.

His eyes fluttered open quickly, met with darkness. He stared blankly at the ceiling for a minute before sitting up. He wasn’t in his own bed, that was for sure, so he must have been in Hinata’s bed. He sighed and got up from the bed. Carefully he shifted trying not to create any more unnecessary pain for himself, but stopped. He didn’t feel anything. No pain at all. He quickly touched his cheek, but he felt nothing. There was absolutely no pain. 

He sighed again, navigating his way around the bed to the door. He exited the room and went down the hallway, stumbling slightly. After a few minutes of trudging down stairs, he entered a room that he assumed was the living room. A light was on in another room to the side of the living room, slightly illuminating half of the sofa. He went toward the room and saw Hinata sitting on a barstool with a book placed on the bar top, likely reading or working on homework. “Hinata-kun…?” Once hearing his name, the brunette turned around and smiled warmly at him. “Hey Ko, how’re you doing?” 

“I’m feeling better, however I’m afraid I do not quite remember what happened after the stairs incident.”

“Well,” He took off a pair of reading glasses, setting them on top on the book. “You fell asleep, and I’m assuming it’s because of the fact that you or your body was just tired. I wasn’t going to wake you up just to find out where you live, so I just took you to my house. I patched up all your wounds and gave you some painkillers.” 

“Ah,” Nagito carefully made his way to the bar, limping slightly. “That would explain why I could not feel any pain…” 

Hinata frowned, “Hey Ko… do you mind if I ask you a question?”

He smiled at the other, “Go ahead Hinata-kun!” 

“Why…” He paused, taking a deep breath before continuing. “Why did nobody help you? I mean, you were pushed down the stairs. It looked painful, so I can’t even imagine how it felt, but… when you came to, you were saying this weird stuff… and the way you said it was creepy. Like you said you were scum and garbage.”

Nagito’s eyes widened as he realized that Hinata had seen him act insane. He hadn’t wanted him to see that. “Y-you saw?”

“Well yeah,” Hinata continued talking. “I mean I was trying to talk to you before, but you totally bolted out of the classroom. I chased after you because I was still worried, and I lost you for a good two minutes when I heard noises from the stairs. So I went to look and there you were, laying at the bottom of the stairs. Not one person helped you, and I couldn’t even get through the crowd because those scumbags were laughing at you and...and…!”

“Hinata-kun, it’s okay. There is no need to get mad at them. I’m used to being humiliated in front of my peers.”

“But that doesn’t give them a reason to laugh at you! They should’ve helped you!”

“Help me…? Hinata-kun, are you out of your mind? Why would someone like them help someone like me?” He looked down at the bar, his hands gripping his jacket sleeves. “Trash like myself shouldn’t be helped. Trash like myself is only good for one thing, and that’s humiliation of myself. People like me don’t matter in this world. Afterall we are just trash, are we not?”

“K-Komaeda…!”

“Honestly, you don’t understand, do you? People like me are separated from people like you. I’m someone who deserves nothing but pain and despair for my life, while people like you deserve only the best in life and to shine with hope. You shouldn’t be dirtying yourself with the likes of me.” 

'At least you are still sane…'

'At least you are not a monster…' 

'At least… you are different from everyone.'

“You, Hinata-kun, are someone who should just do what’s right and leave me behind. It’s not like I matter anyway, right? I mean I am tra-”

A burning pain went through his cheek. He blinked, looking at the brunette with wide eyes as he shook his hand. “I don’t know what you’re talking about Komaeda. Because I know that you are a person. You are a person, just like me. You have goals, dreams, hopes, right? You are not trash or garbage. You do matter! You matter so much. I know we just met today, but you matter to me! I care about you, dammit! Like I said you are a person, just like me! Like Sonia! Like Souda! Like Kuzuryuu! Like Pekoyama!”

He didn’t say anything in response to that. He only blankly stared at the bar top, studying the oak wood. His mind was totally blank for a response, a funny change to his regular snide comebacks. He really didn’t know how to defend himself against Hinata. That, or he was just too exhausted to fight back. That tug at his heart was there again, making him smile faintly. He, honest to whatever god, was curious as to what this feeling was. He never felt it until now, and he sure as hell was determined to find out. 

Hinata sighed and wrapped his arms around him, startling him slightly. “Ko, are you sure there’s nothing you’re hiding from me?”

'Oh… you mean the fact I’m hiding I saw how you died. Or the fact that I’m hiding what’s under my sleeves? Or is it that I’m hiding the fact that I can see when people die? Pick your poison Hinata-kun.'

“I’m sure Hinata-kun.”

Nagito sighed as he laid down on Hinata’s bed. He had been forced to sleep in Hinata’s room while the latter took the couch downstairs. He stared blankly at the ceiling again, his mind still jumbled. His arms began to itch and he groaned, scratching them. He knew he would be picking at his scabbed skin, but he didn’t care. His jacket could easily soak the blood anyway. He smiled pathetically. It was around mid-night as of now, and he was sure that Hinata was already passed out on the couch from the draining day. However he could not get an ounce of sleep. 

His eyes narrowed as he tried to remember more of that vision. It was so odd. It wasn’t normal like all the others. No, this one never even showed a death. It showed Hinata from what he could remember, then… another man. But those piercing blue eyes were something that was fresh in his mind. After that we couldn’t remember anything else. It was odd that he could forget something so important, however he remembers everything else that’s important. So what was different about this one?

He shifted his position, rolling onto his side. His eyes drifted to the others desk. It was just a normal, oak wood desk. However it was littered with papers and textbooks, but on the left in a corner was a photo frame. The photo showed him when he was younger, middle school age he assumed, with his mother. She looked not a day over thirty as she smiled widely with her arms wrapped around him. She had long brown hair, the same shade as Hinata, and her smile was warm and comforting, similar to Hinata’s. He could see where Hinata got all his looks. The sweet, comforting smile… his warming olive eyes… his soothing presence. If he didn’t know any better, he would have believed that Hinata was somehow a fallen angel, gracing the Earth with his presence. He was incredibly kind, almost too kind. His intentions seemed nothing but pure, and his gentle aura solidified his intentions completely. He really was someone who would truly be adored by everyone. Especially him…

He adored Hinata, even if he had only known him for a day. He wasn’t sure what it was that drew him to the brunette, but whatever it was it seemed magical. Was it his charisma? Was it his gentle kindness? Was it his soothing presence?

'What is it about you that...I yearn for…?'

He wasn’t sure, but what he did know was that he wished the brunette was laying beside him.

\--

Nagito opened his eyes calmly with a smile. The first sight when he opened his eyes was the tranquil face of his lover, blissfully stuck in a daze of sleep. The way he looked was calming and relaxed, small snores emitting from him at times. He looked adorable like this. He smiled, running his fingers through the other’s hair. The other moaned slightly making Nagito chuckle quietly. “You’re so cute…” He mummered under his breath. Somehow, as if he had heard, the brunette’s mouth turned up a little, a small smile finding its way onto his face. He chuckled and intertwined his fingers with the others, “I know you’re awake.” 

“Aww,” The other laughed and opened one eye with a lopsided grin on his face. “Damn, I really thought I could’ve gotten away with that.” 

“You can’t get away with anything when you’re with me.” He placed his free hand on the other’s cheek, smiling.

In return the other smiled, a blush tinting their cheeks. “There’s always a first for everything Nagito. You never know.”

“Hey...can I ask you a question?”

“Hm?” The other looked at him in surprise. “Of course you can.”

“What is it that made you fall in love with me…?”

The surprise in the other’s face soon turned into a smile as he let out a laugh. “That’s it?”

“What do you mean ‘that’s it’? That’s a valuable question!” His cheeks heated in embarrassment. 

The other laughed again and ruffled his hair, lovingly. “I know it is, but I thought I made it clear how I fell in love with you.” They smiled, “It’s always been your personality, as cliche as that sounds. You’ve always been so sweet and kind when you break that cold exterior. Really though, I love everything about you. You’re just so adorable, I want to eat you up. I just really love you, ya know?”

“But… I don’t understand how you can love such-”

“Hush, you are not garbage Nagito. You are perfectly human, nothing less. You are just like me, only better. You’re kind, caring, sweet, and so much more. I mean, yes, you have your flaws, but so do I. No one is perfect, and that’s fine. It’s what makes us human. And we all make mistakes, it’s a part of life and how we learn to grow. Right?” 

That smile… It was so beautiful. Nagito smiled back as the other squeezed his hand gently. “Right. You know… you make me really happy. I feel safe when I’m with you, like nothing can hurt me. Not even my emotions can hurt me. I feel untouchable when I’m with you. But I feel like I owe you as well.”

“Huh? Why would that be Nagito?”

“Well, you’ve been with me for so long. No matter how many times I tried to push you away, you were always there, no matter what. You helped me through so much, even saved my life. There’s so much you’ve done for me, and I feel like I’m just not enough to repay that.”

“But you’ve got that wrong, Nagito.” They planted a kiss on his forehead, caressing his cheek gently. “You are enough for me. Your affection and love, you overall, is completely enough for me. As long as you’re here with me, as long as I can hold you and kiss you, as long as I can call you mine, that’s absolutely enough for me.” 

Nagito smiled and wrapped his arms around the other, laying his head on the other’s shoulder. “I love you.” He cooed, but was muffled because of his position. However to the other, they could feel the hot breath on their neck, making them shiver in pleasure. “I love you too.”

\--

Nagito’s eyes fluttered open being met with rays of sunshine bursting from the curtains. He squinted and covered his eyes with his hands in an attempt to block out the light, and he turned to his left like in his dream. However the only thing that was different was that the brunette was not lying beside him. He let out a small ‘oh’ in disappointment, wiping away a wet substance from his eyes. He smiled bitterly and let out a pitiful laugh. 

'So, is this what the feeling is called? Love? That is a foreign subject to someone like me…'

The tug worsened as his brain began to become filled with images of the brunette’s heartwarming smile. 

'Does he feel this tugging too?'

'Is this what love feels like?'

'Am I, someone known as total scum, even capable of love?'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my friend said i did well in keeping Komaeda in character during the stair scene, however I'm not as sure of that. Anyway thank you for the kudo's and the sweet comment! I really appreciate it!


	3. Breathless

After wallowing in self pity for a half hour, Nagito heard a light knock sound on the door. “Ko, you awake?” He quickly wiped away his tears on the sleeves of his parka and let out a curt answer of ‘sure.’ Hinata opened the door, that same warm and comforting smile on his face. “Hey, how’re you holding up? Any pain?” He shook his head as the brunette sat beside him on the bed. “No Hinata-kun.” He replied as his voice cracked. Hinata must have heard because he cast a worried glance towards him. “Komaeda, are you okay?” He didn’t answer; only glaring at the photo of Hinata and his mother standing at his desk. The photo comforted him in a way, but it felt like it was also mocking him. It only rubbed salt in the wound, because he knew he could never have that. He could never smile like that. He could never be held like that. He would never have the love of his parents. He would never experience the parent and child love. He would never have that. Hinata followed his gaze and noticed the picture. He smiled, “You’re looking at the picture of me and my mom, aren’t you?”

He did not answer so Hinata continued on. “Well her full name is Hinata Seiko. She’s the best mom you could have ever asked for, at least in my opinion. She’s sweet, loving, caring, everything you think of when you say the word ‘mom.’ She’s always been there for me, especially since we moved here. She would really adore you Komaeda.”

“What about your dad?” He suddenly asked bluntly. Hinata’s face darkened once he heard the question, biting his lip. “That’s...a different story.” Nagito noticed the sudden mood shift and he put his hand on the brunette’s shoulder. “You don’t have to tell me, if it’s too much.”

“No, it’s okay. My dad was great, and I loved him to death. He always encouraged me, helped to cheer me up when I was feeling down, and just always understood me. He took that picture of me and my mom on my first day of secondary school. He was someone I admired, and expected to be in my life forever. So one day when I was in my second year of secondary school, I was absolutely terrified when he just suddenly collapsed to the floor. He was always so strong in front of me, but he put in that act in front of me because he wanted to keep me happy. Around the time I couldn’t understand why he was being hooked up to all these machines and why his hair was falling out, or even why he looked so much weaker than before. I just didn’t understand…” He gripped his hand tighter, tears forming in his eyes. “I remember that night so vividly. He...passed away that night from cancer. At the time, I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact my dad had died, so I asked my mom why they were taking his body away making her burst into tears. I still, to this day, feel like an ass for asking her that instead of just keeping my mouth shut…” He wiped his tears away quickly letting out a sigh. “That was one the reasons we came here.”

“Hinata-kun…” Nagito wrapped his arms around the brunette, holding him close. K-Komaeda? I-It’s okay. I’m fine.” He pulled away, eyes full of concern and worry. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m okay.” Hinata pulled his legs close to his chest, “Let’s just forget about it. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I respect your wishes Hinata-kun.” He placed his hand on the brunette’s arm, rubbing it with his thumb slowly, in an attempt to soothe him. He remained silent and watched the other closely, studying his posture and face. Hinata looked increasingly uncomfortable with his body tensing up, however Nagito could tell it wasn’t from his touch. In fact Hinata had actually leaned into his touch, comforted. Grieving was a process he knew well and could relate to when it came to Hinata, however while Hinata had only lost one, Nagito lost both. But he really did understand. Death was death, and that meant that the remaining one’s of their friends and family were going to grieve over the dead, even years after it happened. Some moved on faster than others, however it was obvious that neither of them had moved on quite yet. They both could not let go of those who had gone to the afterlife, being forcefully taken by whatever lord there was up above. Nagito had no family, that he knew and was reminded of all the time. He would never have his family. But Hinata did have his mother, the woman who gave birth to him and raised him. He would always have his mother, while it was a bittersweet reminder that Nagito truly did have no one. 

Hinata sighed and stood up from the bed. “Well come on, let’s go make some breakfast before we head to school.” He smiled quickly before exiting out if the room before Nagito could determine whether the other was truly okay or not. Death was never a thing to take lightly, he knew that. He stood up from the bed and stretched, calmly making his way into the brunette’s bathroom. Once he got in the doorstep of the room, he stopped. He couldn’t just use Hinata’s bathroom for two reasons. First reason, he felt awkward going through and using someone else’s bathroom. Secondly, it was too weird! For all he knew he could grab one of Hinata’s shirts from his drawer and continuously smell it. That’s not a bad idea… He shook his head and decided to go out to the kitchen instead. 

He reached the kitchen in a matter of seconds, coming across Hinata cooking eggs and pancakes. “I had no idea you could cook Hinata-kun.”

“Oh,” He curtly replied, eyes cloudy before he shook his head, warm and comforting smile returning only a bit forced. “Yeah, you have to learn to take care of yourself when your parents are gone, right? They can’t do everything for you…” His voice sounded almost bitter, mixed with other emotions. “Speaking of which, can you tell me about your parents? What are they like?”

“Ah you see Hinata-kun, I barely remember my parents.” He answered honestly, normal smile gracing his face. The other looked taken back, shock in his eyes. “What do you mean?”

“Well my parents died in a plane crash. It’s rather hard to remember all the details seeing as how I was young and naive, so I can’t really remember the events leading up to it. All I remember was seeing my mother and father dead. That’s the only memories I can recall of them.”

“Then who do you stay with?”

My guardian angel… “A relative. She’s...my aunt! Aunt Nanami.” 

“Okay, so what is she like then?”

Nagito shifted, his brain working on autopilot. However it seemed autopilot was not intact, because different thoughts rushed through his head faster than a bullet train. He didn’t know what to say, as the brunette just calmly and patiently waited for him to answer. “She’s… nice. She acts much like a mother would. She goes to work, pays the bills…” He turned away and muttered, “Puts up with pathetic garbage like me…” 

“What was that Komaeda?”

“Huh? Oh nothing! Don’t worry Hinata-kun.” His sickeningly fake smile. He almost wanted to scream at Hinata for believing it, however after the years his fakes smiles mixed with his genuine, making it difficult to differentiate whether he was smiling truthfully or not. Hinata’s concerned eyes softened ever so slightly. “You know I don’t believe that, right?” 

“Huh? Believe what?”

Hinata turned off the stove, grabbing two plates and serving the food equally between them. “That smile. I don’t believe that smile. It’s always the one I see when you interact with all of our class. To anyone else it looks normal, but to me it just seems… out of place. Like that smile was born to hide everything, lock it deep inside, and try to convince people you are okay. That smile in it itself means everything that you try to hide. It show’s you need help.”

He didn’t say anything as Hinata handed him a plate of food and went to sit at the bar top. The other quickly grabbed two glasses and forks, handing one fork and glass to him. Hinata continued on and opened the fridge door. “You may use it in front of the others, but please don’t use it in front of me; I know what that smile means, and I truly want to help you get through this, whatever I have to do.”

Nagito’s eyes widened as his heart began beating rapidly. Hinata was honestly too sweet for his own good. He shouldn’t help trash like himself. He didn’t matter, and he never would. It was a fact of life that he was okay with, no matter what anyone else said. However, here they were, becoming too close as friends, which was something he had not wanted, because then it meant he had to do whatever it took to push him away. No matter the cost. But he found himself not wanting to push him away, no, in fact he wanted to get closer to him. He wanted to know the brunette; finally have the attention of a friend he had been craving all his life. “Hinata-kun…” He hesitantly said in a hushed whisper, his voice strained. “I apologize, now, for whatever I do that may hurt you along the way.” Hinata said nothing as he shut the fridge door and quickly joined him at the table with a carton of orange juice. They ate their breakfast in silence, mulling over what each other said and not daring to make eye contact.

 

Once they were done Nagito volunteered to do the dishes, but Hinata decided to also help by drying them off and putting them away. He had said that it was his mom’s house and that he should be the one to clean it, but Nagito argued back that he should do the dishes since Hinata was nice enough to make him breakfast, so Hinata proposed that they work together, as a team, to which he hesitantly agreed to. They did not speak as Nagito washed the dishes off and handed them to Hinata. It was a quiet and organized routine, until Hinata decided to break that calm, tranquil silence.

He cupped a hand of water, smiling widely, and threw it at the albino’s face. “Oh! Hinata-kun!” Nagito cried out, wiping his face off quickly. He noticed the other laughing loudly and was struggling to breathe as he clutched his stomach. His laugh sounded almost flawless; it felt like Nagito could not find one bad thing about that laughter. He wanted him to laugh like that all the time, not aware to the evil and despair created in the world. “You are such a bully, Hinata-kun!” Nagito chuckled and quickly retaliated, tossing a handful of water at the brunette. Hinata gasped quickly, before snorting in laughter in turn making Nagito laugh. The two just laughed together. 

It was this. This was what Nagito had always wanted. He had only ever wanted one friend, but while he yearned and wished, he never could have one because of the risk his luck cycle posed. He was like any other child who just wanted someone else to understand them and accept them for who they are. However this also a bittersweet reminder that he could never have this again. He would have to sever his ties with the brunette now before something jurassic happened, but for now he would indulge in this sweet moment, just relishing in this moment now. 

“Hey,” The brunette suddenly said excitedly. “That was the first genuine laugh I’ve heard from you!” 

Nagito didn’t know whether it was his laughter because of the prior occurrence or if he was genuinely happy because he had made him laugh, but he paused and stared at the brunette in shock. “I-I guess that was...” He smiled. He had almost forgot how wonderful it felt to genuinely laugh again; not just force every positive emotion with the horrible acting skills he had. 

They soon got back to work, still giggling. He quickly washed a bowl and carefully handed it to the other, however once Hinata grabbed it and began drying it, a shatter made Nagito jolt. “Shit.” Hinata muttered. He bent down and started to pick up the shattered pieces of glass from the floor. “Hinata-kun, be careful!” Nagito warned. “I will, calm down. It’ll be fine.” The other answered calmly, smiling warmly at the other in an attempt to reassure him. The two’s eyes locked on each other, staring. His olive eyes were warm and loving, sparkling in wonder; a beautiful sight. 

“Ow! Fuck!” The brunette suddenly cried out in pain, shattering their once tranquil moment. Hinata was sucking on the side of his palm and his face looked pained. Then he noticed a shard of glass with fresh blood embed on the tip on the floor beside the other. “Hinata-kun!” He hurried to bend down and help him, quickly ripping his hand away from his mouth to see a large cut on his palm. It wasn’t deep, but it was a long cut, typically one that would heal quickly, however that did not make him feel better. He grimaced as he hastily stood up and led the brunette into his bathroom, sitting on the toilet.

“Ah Hinata-kun, I’m so sorry! This is all my fault!” He frantically moved around the bathroom in his hunt for the males bandages and disinfectant. Once he found the items he needed, he took a cotton ball and put the disinfectant on it. “This may sting a bit.” He warned and applied it to the cut, making the other wince and hiss in pain. “I’m sorry. This is all my fault.” 

“Ngh, Komaeda this is not your fault. It’s totally mine. I’m the one who dropped it, right?”

“But you’re going to get in trouble…!” He threw the cotton ball away and grabbed the bandage, carefully and gently wrapping it. 

“I’m sure my mom will understand it was an accident. And she’ll be more worried than mad really.” He smiled warmly and met Nagito’s gaze. “I’ll be okay.”

Nagito frowned and stared at the ground, “I’m sorry…”

“Ko, look at me,” Hinata lifted the male’s chin, meeting his eyes. “This was not your fault. It was completely mine. I was the one who dropped it, and I wasn’t being careful like you told me to be, so see? It’s totally my fault.” 

Hinata really confused him, not necessarily the brunette himself, but it was what the brunette could do to him. When he was with him, he felt like he didn’t need to fake. He could just be himself, and maybe in another time, they really could have been friends. But now would not work for either of them. 

And so the numbers on his own death date expired.

 

Nagito had gone with Hinata to school, silently studying and thinking. Everyone was acting normal as they should’ve been, however the when the two got to their class, they noticed the class huddling by Nagito’s desk, worriedly talking about something. 

“Hey, hey!” Hinata yelled over the gossip and gained the eyes of their classmates. “What is all this chatter about?” 

Some of their eyes glanced at Nagito quickly, frightened and worried. No one stepped up and told them, tensions quickly rising between everyone. But Sonia swallowed and stepped forward; a white envelope in her hands addressed to him. “This note was left for you, Komaeda-kun. I’m afraid we don’t know who it is from.” 

He took the envelope from her hands, “Thank you Sonia-san.” His eyes studied the penmanship and frowned. It had his first name printed in red ink and his last name printed in black ink, and he did not recognize the cursive print that was on it, which meant it was not from one of his classmates. His eyebrows furrowed as he stared at the writing in an attempt to solve some sort of mystery. His curiosity was getting to him about what may have been contained in the envelope, but there were too many random variables to open it now so he’d wait until he was alone to open it. “Hey Hinata-kun, I’m going to go to the restroom, okay? I’ll be back in a minute.”

“Okay Ko, be careful. I’ll be waiting for you.” The brunette smiled sweetly in an attempt to mask his worry, but he was too easy to read. Nagito quickly exited the room and rushed to the boys bathroom, wonder and dread filling his veins. Making sure no one was in the room, he hastily opened the envelope and took out the letter. His eyes scanned the content, sheer panic quickly rushing through him. 

“I know what you are. I know everything about you. Wouldn’t it be a shame if your friend knew what you did? Who you’ve become?”   
-Anonymous

‘It’s just a ruse! Someone’s just messing with me!’ He began to try and reason any logical notion, and crumpled up the note, throwing it in his pocket and putting the envelope in the garbage. He took deep breaths in attempt to stop his beginning panic attack, but his knees quickly buckled and he fell to the ground, huddled up in a ball, struggling to breathe. Flashbacks of the plane crash, the orphanage, the times he institutionalized came in his mind at fast paces. “N-no, stop.” He whimpered. “I don’t w-want t-to remember.” He coughed violently, choking. His hands gripped his hair, tugging. ‘Relax. Deep breaths.’


	4. Unknown

Nagito swallowed quickly as he gathered the strength to stand. His tears gently rolled down his cheeks, hiccups becoming lodged in his throat. He was terrified as he thought about who could possibly know this. Suddenly his phone chimed. Swallowing his fear and terror, he took it out of his pocket and stared at the screen.

> 9:25 Unknown Number: I’ll unmask who you truly are Komaeda

His face contorted into fear again as the phone suddenly felt like fire in his hand. Reacting as if he had been burned, he dropped the phone quickly, more than likely shattering the delicate glass. At that moment he didn’t quite care. He was kind of surprised Hinata hadn’t dropped by the bathroom to check on him yet. Hinata always checked on him even when he didn’t have to. He was so sweet and kind to him, a kindness he wasn’t used to. The only ones who had ever tried to show him kindness were Nanami-san and Sonia-san, but even then he pushed them away. He truly wanted to push Hinata away so he didn’t get hurt, but he couldn’t find the strength in himself to do it. He loved the male too much to push him away, but he knew he needed to. However there was one way he knew that could stop this. And if he did it right, he would never have to bother Nanami, Hinata, or anyone else ever again. He could be free from his tragic life, his tragic luck cycle, and his tragic powers.

This was something he could never tell Hinata. But it wasn’t like he was already hiding things from him so one more to add to the list of why he shouldn’t deserve Hinata.

His eyes glanced down at his wrist. Even with the scars, his own death date was still legible and he smiled bitterly as he studied the date.

 

 

He walked calmly through the halls of the school, not making eye contact with any of his peers. His hood covered his face and hair as he stared at the ground. The whole day he had gone without seeing Hinata, and he wasn’t sure if that was a blessing in disguise or if it just proved to him that Hinata was too busy for him. At least it made what he was going to do much simplier. In a way he yearned for the brunette to be with him when it happens, but if he was there he would try to stop it. He cared too much about him, and Nagito both loved and hated that fact. The fact that the brunette was so willing to do anything to help him only proved the other’s determination to save him from a damned fate that he could not escape.

His heart tugged violently again, making his stomach squeeze. He felt nauseous as a headache began forming, thumping harder and harder. His stomach churned, but he kept moving forward. His legs felt like weights had been attached to them, and his eyes were burning. He would make Hinata sad and throw him into despair, but this was what needed to be done.

He was sure, dead set on it. This was what needed to be done.

Once he got back to his home, he walked around the rooms, checking to see if Nanami was there. After he made his way around and determined that she was not home, he smiled bitterly. His phone vibrated in his pocket, but he ignored it. It was probably Hinata being stubborn again. Soon enough he would never have to text him. He would never have to worry.

In retrospect he was sure Hinata was messaging him, worried, because Nagito had avoided him all day. Successfully, he might add. Hinata worried too much, especially about someone who didn’t even matter.

He walked into his room, locking his door behind him. He remembered Nanami telling him before that the only possible way for him to die was strangulation. Quite an innocent answer, turned into a murder weapon. He chuckled as his phone vibrated again. Finally he grew tired of the device constantly vibrating, and he tossed it onto his bed carelessly. At this point, he was beyond return. Fate was tempting him, so who was he not to have a little fun? The only thing that could possibly happen would be Nanami being sent back to heaven because he died, however that was of no concern to him. She’d more than likely love to go back then live with he who was scum.

His pale fingers ran up and down the rough strands of twine, giving himself a burn. That pain made him grin widely. He took his time as he began knotting the thick rope, and hung it on a hook. He dragged a chair over to the rope and stepped on it, carefully placing the loop around his neck. “Goodbye Hinata-kun.”

 

 

Obnoxious beeping filled his ears as he regained consciousness. He groaned and opened his eyes, being met with a white room. His eyes wandered around the room landing on a bouquet of flowers sitting on his bedside table. A batch of lilies sat there arranging in different colors. A small smile formed on his face as he stared at the flowers in wonder and awe. He shifted in the bed and sat up, gently taking the flowers from the vase, bringing them up to his nose, sniffing them. His smile widened as the sweet smell wafted into his nose and he sighed in content. Being dead felt nice.

He noticed a tag attached to the flowers. Probably from Nanami, he thought and flipped it over to identify the name. But before he could read the name, the door opened. The person stepped inside and shut the door behind them quickly, and before Nagito could even process who it was, the person quickly latched onto him in a tight embrace. His eyes widened as the embrace tightened, feeling a wet substance dripping onto his shoulders. “Idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot! What the hell were you thinking, Komaeda?!” 

 

‘No, no, no! This isn’t- It can’t be-’

He felt the other pull away and there he looked into his eyes. Olive eyes filled with anger, sorrow, despair, and the bittersweet relief. The one person he had dreaded to see if he had survived. Hinata stood there, in the flesh, with his fists clenched and his eyes brimming with tears. “Why? Komaeda, I can’t-” Against his better judgement, he pulled the brunette into a comforting embrace, holding him close as Hinata held onto him like a lifeline. He waited patiently as the brunette choked on his tears, coughing and wheezing. Nagito placed his hand on the others hair, stroking it gently, as he attempted to calm the other down. Hinata coughed and pulled away, his face flushed from crying, and he stared into the greyish green eyes Nagito owned, his gaze softened. “I can’t believe you would do that. I-I thought I had lost you and-” Hinata choked, biting back more tears. Nagito’s heart tugged violently as he watched the brunette, helpless. “H-Hina-ta-kun?” He managed to force out.

“Stop, don’t talk. The doctor said you need to rest your voice for a while. He said you damaged it but not bad enough to where you can’t talk anymore. However you can’t talk for a while. I… I just don’t understand Ko! How can you do this to me? I just can’t believe I almost lost you…” Hinata’s face contorted again. He brought his hand up to cover his mouth and he bit it. Nagito quickly swatted his mouth away from his hand, remembering the cut on the brunette’s palm, and shook his head when the other gave him a questioning glance. “Ko… I know that we just met a few weeks ago but-” 

 

Nagito tilted his head in questioning, making the the other realize his error and grimace. “You’ve been in a coma for almost a month now. So when they called me and told me that you showed signs that you were going to wake up, I rushed over here immediately. I… I just can’t forget the image of you hanging like that. It… It-” He cut himself off as his tears began forming again. Nagito cupped his cheeks and wiped away his tears with his thumbs, smiling warmly at the brunette. “It’s okay.” He mouthed to the brunette. Hinata stared for a moment before smiling back. “Ko… Everyone has been worried about you.” He tilted his head again, but Hinata pulled out his phone. “Here type on this.”

 

Nagito nodded and began typing the message. “What do you mean?” He typed and showed it to him. “I mean our whole class is worried about you. Everyone in our class knows what happened, and all of them have come to visit you at one point or another. I know you can’t see it, but people do care about you. I… I just can’t believe that you would do that. I was so worried about you. I thought I had lost you and-”

“Why do you care?” Nagito typed and showed to the brunette, silencing him. His face paled and his tears continued to fall but his eyes seemed distant. Nagito watched as the brunette completely froze, his breathing hitching. “Why…” Hinata gripped on his long sleeve tighter. “Why would you ask me that? Komaeda, I- You’re my best friend. I want to help you, and to see you hanging from a noose it… I thought I had lost you, don’t you understand? I thought you were gone. I… I can’t handle losing someone I care about again.” Hinata shook and trembled, hugging himself tightly like a scared child. “I can’t lose you, not like I did with my dad. K-Komaeda…” The brunette continued to tremble and Nagito quickly wrapped his arms around him, holding him securely. He pet his head and just waited in silence for the brunette to begin calming down. Once he had finally calmed down, he shifted and stood up. Hinata glanced at the bouquet of flowers and smiled. “You got my flowers.” He said in a relieved tone. “I thought they would have wilted by now.” 

“Well I gotta go now, Ko. I’ll visit you tomorrow, okay?” Nagito nodded and waved goodbye as the brunette left. However he had forgotten one minor detail. He still had Hinata’s phone. He quietly gasped in realization but it was already too late as the brunette was long gone. Suddenly the phone vibrated, scaring Nagito. When he picked it up and read the screen, his eyes widened.

>6:47 Unknown Number: Remember your promise, dear Hinata-kun.

Nagito quickly turned the phone off and put it on the nightside table, shivering from dread. He wasn’t sure why, but he had a feeling it was not good. The text was oddly erie, with a tone that was menacing. Uncertainty pooled in his gut as he thought about the text. His eyes drifted to the phone, staring at it in worry. He prayed that whatever Hinata was up to, he just stayed safe.

 

 

Weeks passed as Nagito healed in the hospital from his attempted suicide. They had to make sure he was completely healed before he could go back home, not that he minded, however the white room did get quite boring after a while. Hinata visited almost everyday and Nanami visited every other day. Occasionally a few of his classmates would visit him like Sonia with Tanaka and Souda, Tsumiki, Saionji, Koizumi, Mioda, and many others. However he noticed changes with Hinata. He seemed a lot less energetic and more tired. Large bags formed under his eyes that seemed to get larger and larger every time Nagito saw them. However he was still kind and caring, warm and compassionate, however he could tell something was off with the other.

He never once mentioned the text message and gave him back his phone, playing it off that it died in his pocket while he had fallen asleep once the male had left. It had actually happened, he just did not mention that he had seen the text from the unknown number. He felt that it was something he should not talk about with him until he had reason to. Of course that did not stop his mind from wandering to the subject. What could be the promise? Who did he promise? Was the unknown number texting him the same as the one Nagito had been getting messages from?

 

He was not sure. But he would question Hinata about the matter. 

Just as he was about to shut his eyes and go to sleep, his phone vibrated in his pocket. He carefully took it out of his pocket and turned it on, not caring about the cracked screen. 

> 8:45: Unknown Number: Sent A Video

Nagito furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and unlocked it, being mindful of the glass. He went to his messages and clicked on the one labeled ‘Unknown Number.’ He tapped on the video, waiting patiently for it to load. However once it did, he wanted to quickly delete it. He wanted desperately to look away from the screen, but his body did not listen and became paralyzed. Tears gathered in his eyes as a burning feeling began to form in his throat. 

 

Hinata was strapped to a chair in the center of a dark room with one light illuminating him. A blindfold was carefully wrapped around his eyes with a gag placed in his mouth. Cuts littered his chest and his facial expression was painful to look at. Then the blindfold fell off showing his eyes. His eyes were filled with pain, defeated. Like he was a broken man. However deep within his warm olive gaze, a spark of determination was buried. “All for you, Komaeda.” A voice sounded before the video stopped abruptly, making him cry out.


	5. Anything

Nagito sighed as he walked around his room for the first time in months. He studied every detail carefully as he noticed the brunette standing in his doorway. His warm, comforting smile was plastered on his face like normal, making him frown internally. It seemed like the brunette would not talk about anything, even if he had no idea that he knew what was happening to him. He wasn’t sure why or who would dare to hurt Hinata, nor did he have a motive as to why the brunette was okay with it. He did not dare mention what he saw, but that was not quite the only problem he had noticed. 

Hinata was growing distant, like his mind was becoming clouded by something. He was growing tired and less energetic, bags still evident below his eyes. 

Nagito smiled back at him, trying to make it as believable as possible. “Hey, so Sonia invited our whole class to go to the beach this Saturday. I think she said it was to help us all bond together as a class.” Hinata spoke suddenly. “Are you up for it? You don’t have to go if you don’t want to, she’s not forcing you.” He walked to the window, peering outside. “I just think it would be a good idea if we got you outside, you know? But if you are not up for it, I won’t force you to go.” 

Nagito watched him, carefully, a delicate smile on his face. “Are you going Hinata-kun?” 

“Maybe. I mean I would like to.” Hinata continued to look out the window, his eyes becoming distant. He was thinking about something again… He frowned as he stepped closer to the brunette. Images of the brunette sitting in that dark room, bound to a chair, with cuts littering his back chest, filled his mind, making him wince. He wanted to hold him and comfort him, telling him that he could tell him about the burdens he carried. But then again, he also wanted answers, and the only way he could get them was to interrogate him. He carefully placed his hand on the brunette’s shoulder, “Hinata-kun… is there something you’re hiding from me?” 

The brunette winced, however his face remained blank. He looked down at the floor, silent. His fist clenched as a ragged breath let him. “Komaeda… You know I’d do anything for you, right? You know that I will help you no matter what, right?” 

“Of course I do Hinata-kun… Is something wrong?”

“...No. Don’t worry about me.”

“Hinata-kun… You can tell me if something is wrong. You don’t have to shoulder the burden by yourself. I can help you.”

“You don’t understand. Nothing is wrong Ko, everything is fine.” 

Nagito frowned and grabbed the brunette’s wrist holding it securely as a look of fear began to form on his face. “Hinata-kun, stop lying to me! I can see that something is wrong! Please, tell me! I want to help you!”

“K-Komaeda…!”

“You’ve helped me through so much, and I want to return the favor. Please, let me help you. I care about you so much…” Nagito watched as the brunette faltered and his resolve weakened. Hinata sighed and broke away from the albino. He watched the other carefully as he began to take his shirt off and threw it to the side. Nagito gasped, and Hinata winced from his reaction. The cuts that he had seen from the video were indeed real and were scattered across his chest and torso. Hinata smiled at him warmly which made him feel worse. “Stop…” He choked out. Hinata quickly became confused as Nagito felt a lump beginning to form in his throat. “Huh, what’s wrong Ko?” The brunette picked his words carefully, afraid to scare the other away. “Stop smiling like that…” That smile made Nagito feel guilty. That warm smile was something he did not deserve. He did not deserve any sort or form of kindness he was given. In fact, he did not deserve the brunette entirely. He was so pure, a kind of pureness that not many people had, and he was so kind and caring to someone who did not deserve any of it. He couldn’t process how in any way Hinata cared so much for him. Was this going to be a prank? Would he break his heart by saying that he truly never cared about him in the first place? Nagito wasn’t sure whether he wished that was the case or if he really did want someone to care. He didn’t know what he wanted anymore. No… Hinata was too kind. He would never do that… right?

Hinata stared at the albino helplessly. “Stop casting that sweet smile towards me! I don’t deserve that kindness!” Nagito’s arms wrapped around himself tightly, holding him securely. “That smile should not be cast at garbage. That kindness should not be expressed towards scum. I am utterly worthless, so why? Why do you treat me like I’m worth something?” Hinata’s eyes widened, tension spreading in the air, suffocating them. “Because you are worth something.” He finally said breaking the silence and shattering Komaeda’s resolve. “H-Huh?”

Hinata carefully wrapped his arms around the albino. “You are worth something Komaeda.”

Nagito grimaced and pushed the brunette away, “No!” He shouted. “I am nothing! I am utterly worthless!”

“You’ve got that wrong, Ko! You are not worth-” He was silenced as Nagito sternly stared at him. A red imprint of a hand was left on the brunette’s cheek as Hinata stared into space, shocked. “Leave Hinata-kun. Just leave now.” His words seemed to have snapped the brunette out of shock because he looked at Nagito crestfallen and sighed. He began walking away from him, until he paused and put his shirt back on. “All for you, Komaeda.” He said before walking away from him. 

Once the door shut, Nagito regretted everything he had done. His heart was pounding as he collapsed onto his bed. Different emotions ran wild through him and he frowned. He was pushing him away to the best of his abilities. He had to have a breaking point, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to find it. He curled into a ball, hugging his knees. Soon a knock sounded on his door and he sniffled. It opened and Nanami stood there, her smile calming. Her smile was different from Hinata’s. “Hey Nagito, how are you doing?” She asked, gently. He didn’t answer, only stared at the floor blankly, and Nanami walked over to him. She sat on the edge of the bed, resting her hand on his head, petting his hair. “I’m sorry Nagito. I know I’m not the best guardian, and I feel horrible for making you go through this again.”

“Ah, i-it’s not your fault Nanami-san. And you’re a wonderful guardian. I’m the one making this difficult.”

Nanami gently pulled his head to rest on her lap. “You know, I think you are a very wonderful person. I know I’m hurting you however.” She continued to pet his head as he closed his eyes. “That brown haired boy really cares about you, Nagito.”

“I know he does…”

“A sick fate has been bestowed upon that boy. A dark evil is going to tempt him into becoming something that is against human morals. But I’m sure you saw…” He nodded bitterly and bit his bottom lip. “I know…”   
“Do everything you can, Nagito, to enjoy these moments with this boy. If you do not, you will regret it. They are going to break him and bend him to their will, until he becomes someone you do not recognize.”

“What do you mean?” 

“Izuru Kamukura.”

 

\------------------------

 

 

He laid in his bed curled up into a ball, thinking about what Nanami had told him the night before. He had been excused from school because Nanami said he needed more time, not that he denied. He did not want to go because he was not ready to face Hinata. What he said, what he did was not fair to the brunette as he was only trying to help. This only proved that he did not deserve the brunette. Guilt swallowed him whole as he hugged himself tighter. A few images of his warm smile filled his brain making him shiver. He smiled as his heart tugged again. He didn’t know what to think or feel anymore. 

His head was filled with Hinata and his heart was pounding wildly at the thought of him. His lovely smile, his warming eyes… Hinata was someone he adored completely, even if he never showed it. If he had the option, he would just go on loving the brunette, maybe confess his feelings and be able to be loved in return. In a perfect time, maybe he could just relish in loving the other, falling into an embrace with the brunette, calmly slipping more and more into the convoluted mechanics of love. Maybe this tugging ment he longed for the brunette… Or did he long for a situation he couldn’t have? 

He sighed as a knock on his door drew him away from his thoughts. He eyed the door and quickly turned on to his other side so that his attention was focused on the wall. He heard the door creak open and close behind them, but he remained fixated on the wall. He had a feeling who it was, and it was someone he was not ready to face as of yet. “Komaeda…” He winced once he heard the voice, his suspicions being confirmed with the voice. “Are you okay?” He didn’t answer, still staring at the wall as his guilt and shame bubbled. A dip in the bed alarmed him and a body laid on top of his in an odd embrace. “I know you’re not okay Ko. Please, tell me what’s bothering you.”

“I will help you, trust me. But I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.” He didn’t deserve the sweet and comforting presence Hinata gave off. He did not deserve him, but maybe, even if he did not deserve him, maybe he needed him. “I promise, no matter what, I won’t let anyone hurt you anymore. I will do anything to help you.” 

“Anything? Hinata-kun… don’t make such promises you can’t keep.” Nagito shifted and laid on his back so that he could fully see the brunette. Hinata hovered over him, a frown adorning his face. “I can keep that promise. I will do anything to keep that promise.”

“Don’t say anything when you don’t mean it Hinata-kun. It makes you look like a fool.”

“But I will do anything! I swear I will!” Hinata argued with him, making Nagito frown. The brunette’s cheek was still slightly red from yesterday and the imprint of his hand was slightly seeable but only from close proximity could you see it. Nagito placed his hand over the brunette’s cheek, rubbing it gently with his thumb. An urge to just reach up and taste the others lips ran through him, however he did not act upon it. That urge would surely destroy something precious to him. Hinata still stared at Nagito, his expression blank. In that moment, he could see a sliver of stress run through his olive eyes, but was quickly clouded again. “... You seem tense, Hinata-kun.”

Hinata’s eyes shut as he winced. “It’s okay. You do not have to tell me until you’re ready.” Nagito gently pulled him into a hug, startling the other. Hinata tensed slightly but soon relaxed and wrapped his arms around the albino, hugging him tightly. Nagito smiled as his heartbeat accelerated. In this moment it felt like they were actually a couple, slowly but surely falling into one another. It was like they had no worries about the world outside of them; the only care being about each other. He wished he could just let go of his worries and kiss the brunette right there, but there were too many variables, too many risks. His selfish desires could risk everything he ever wanted, and he was sure that if he weighed out his options, if he kissed the other he would definitely ruin everything. Suddenly he felt the other’s strength diminish and his body went limp on top of him. “Hinata!” He panicked but a small snore made his panic quickly evaporate. He smiled, chuckling quietly, and carefully lifted the brunette off of him. Gently placing the brunette beside him on the bed, he stared at his sleeping face. He looked calm and tranquil, deeply under sleeps control. His smile grew and he brushed his fingers through the male's hair, making the brunette groan in response. He chuckled again. “You’re so cute…” He whispered. 

Suddenly the urge to kisses the brunette came back again. Nagito frowned as he started thinking. It would just be a peck on the lips. Hinata wouldn’t know so why not? It would just be his little secret. He swallowed quickly, moving closer to the brunette’s face, cupping his cheeks with his hands. Quickly he planted his lips on the others and pulled away. The brunette’s lips were salty and sweet, a combination he adored. He wanted to kiss him again, to taste that sweet saltiness of the other’s lips. He knew he was being selfish but this was the only way his desires could be fulfilled without damaging what he had with the brunette. He leaned in and pecked the other’s lips again, not pulling away for a few seconds. That salty sweetness captivated him, holding him hostage to the other’s kiss. Even if the other did not reciprocate, there was still a way for him to cheat and please his selfish wishes. His thumb caressed the other’s cheek, smiling. “Am I going to save you, or are you going to save me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry for the short update, but I just wanted to get something out there for you! If you have any theories, I would love to hear them!


	6. Warmth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short, sweet, pure fluff

He sighed brushing a hand through his hair, stress and panic rushing through his veins. His hand shook as he stared at the text. 

> 1:42 Unknown Number: Tomorrow. 6:00. Be there on time or else. Remember, all for Komaeda, right?

Anger flared in his veins as he sent the unknown number a response. They had no right to threaten him; he was doing what he promised.

 

 

Nagito sighed as he turned in the mirror looking at himself. His gaze was focused on the old scars that littered his legs and arms. They were still faintly seeable, but the problem was that he did not want the brunette to find out about them. He could cover them with makeup, but the only downfall was that Hinata would probably want to swim and would drag Nagito with him which would result in the makeup washing off. If Hinata saw the scars, what would he say? What would he think?

He frowned and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. Maybe this was a sign telling him that it was finally time. Maybe it was time to tell the brunette about his scars. But even if fate said it was time, he still wasn’t ready. He would never be ready. He could bandage his legs, but then Hinata would get suspicious. Maybe he wouldn’t question which is what he hoped, but knowing Hinata he would definitely pull him over to a private location and ask about the bandage. A knock on his door pulled him away from his thoughts. “Who is it?” He asked, trying to mask his frustration with his current situation. “It’s me, Hinata.” Nagito felt fear and dread crawl up his spine and he froze. Don’t come in. Don’t come in! 

The door opened and the brunette stood there in his swimsuit shorts, which were green with two large horizontal olive stripes toward the bottom. Nagito was so pale compared to the brunette’s tan complexion. He had his normal smile on his face until his eyes landed on the faded scars that were embedded on the other’s skin. He stared at them with his face blank expression, stepping closer. Nagito took a step back, tensing and curling up. He expected some sort of punch from the brunette or some sort of insult to be thrown his way. But that was not what he got. No. Instead of a harsh insult, instead of a brutal punch to his face, a hand grabbed his arm, not forcefully or harshly, but gently and carefully, a gentle, careful trait he had never been showed when it came to another person who knew his secret. Not even Nanami knew about the scars, or at least she turned a blind eye to them so she wouldn’t upset him. The hand grabbed his arms gently and securely held them, soft and warm fingers carefully caressing the faded scars. Gentle, warm, and soft touches, lovingly being caressed. A warm feeling blossomed in his chest, one that both wanted to make him smile and cry. Suddenly he felt something warm roll down his arm. He focused back on the brunette who had tears falling gently down his cheeks, rolling down onto his scarred arm. Next he was enveloped in a warm and tight embrace, being held in the others arms like he was glass and he could shatter if he wasn’t careful. He wasn’t sure whether he liked this or not. But the embrace was like a drug to him, a form of his own addiction. 

“Komaeda,” The brunette said in a hushed whisper, “Please… tell me those are not recent.”

“They are not recent Hinata-kun. They… are from when I was in junior high.”

“You… don’t do this to yourself anymore… right?”

“It’s okay. I stopped a while ago. There’s no reason for me to do it anymore. There’s no relief in it anymore.” 

Suddenly the brunette collapsed to the ground in tears, making Nagito feel guilty. He had said something he shouldn’t have again. It was a horrible habit he had, one that he never had particularly been fond of. He gently crouched down beside the brunette and ran a hand through his brunette hair in an attempt to calm him, soothe his aching soul. “I’m sorry Ko… I’m so sorry. I’m sorry.” The brunette apologized continuously, making Nagito’s head spin. “Hinata, why are you apologizing? You’ve done nothing wrong.”

“No, you don’t understand…” The other choked up again as a burning lump began to form. He found himself becoming unable to breathe. “You had no one… to turn to in that time. So you turned to a razor… to help with your pain? Why…? You were only hurting yourself…!” 

“... But it’s not your fault. You were not the reason I did this, and you never will be the reason for when I may do it again. I told you I did this back in junior high, when you were not in the picture. I stopped long after I got into high school because, as I said before, there’s no relief in it. I’ve done it for so long the pleasure I got watching my blood pool out of my arms and legs. I’ve done it for so long that the relief just washed away and a liking to the small razor took it’s place. I began to enjoy the pain I brought to myself. Eventually I grew weary of my liking to it and just stopped all together, sort of around the time where I gave up on myself as well, which is what you should do too Hinata.”

“Are you telling me to give up on you?”

 

Nagito didn’t answer as the brunette looked up and met his eyes. “I’m not going to give up on you. I will do anything to keep you from harm’s way. I don’t care what happens to me; I just want you safe. After all you’ve been through, you need someone to be here for you. I want to be that person, Komaeda. I don’t care how many times you push me away or argue with me, I will always be with you by your side, no matter what happens to me. I promise you everything is going to be okay.”

Hinata stood up and helped Nagito to his feet, smiling. “Now, let’s get going. We’re meeting the others at the beach.” Nagito nodded and grabbed his bag off his desk chair, putting on a red tee shirt to cover his chest. He walked into the bathroom and quickly grabbed a towel. “Are you sure you want to go? You don’t need to force yourself.” Hinata spoke tenderly. His voice was so gentle and sweet. He really was too kind focusing on his needs like this. “Don’t worry about me, Hinata-kun. As long as you’re there, I’m sure I will be fine.” Nagito smiled at the other reassuringly.

 

 

 

The ride to Jabberwock Beach was quiet. The radio played but at a low level so Nagito could still think. His eyes were glued to the window, turned away from the brunette, letting him drive in peace. He wasn’t even sure if he was ready to face his classmates yet, free out of the hospital. He hadn’t gone to school for the last two days after he had been released. He wasn’t sure how they were going to react to his scarred arms and legs. To be honest he didn’t even want to go, but Hinata had advised that he get outside for some fresh air, and scum like him could never disobey Hinata. After all the brunette was only trying to help. 

His mind flashed back to when he kissed the male. He had loved that kiss with all of his heart, along with that sweet saltiness of his lips. That was a drug all in itself, and Nagito knew he was addicted. He was surely falling under the spell of love; he wasn’t sure if he wanted it any other way. He really admired the brunette, loved everything about him. He was kind, caring, compassionate, and willing to help trash like himself! No one had ever showed him this much kindness in his entire life. 

He wished he could go back in time to relive that kiss over and over, continuously. Those sweet succulent lips, his newly found addiction.

His phone vibrated snapping him out of his thoughts. He hastily reached into his pocket, grabbing the phone and pulling it out. 

> 2:21 Unknown Number: Sent A Photo

Nagito’s blood ran cold as soon as he read the words, panic flooding through his veins. He swiped the notification and hurried to type in his password, dreading whatever the unknown number may have sent. His fingers, shaking, tapped the photo and examined it. The photo showed him kissing the brunette while he was asleep. His heart shattered as he continued to stare at the photo. The world around him came to a stop as his heart pounded harder and harder. Another vibrate from his phone snapped him out of his daze to see he had another text.

> 2:22 Unknown Number: Would be a shame if your friend knew about this photo, right? If you don’t want him knowing you’ll do exactly what I want. If not, this photo gets sent directly to him. Your choice.

“Komaeda… Hey Ko…!” His eyes snapped up, quickly shutting off the phone. Hinata had parked into the parking lot at the beach and was staring at him with concern, his hand gently placed on his arm. “Are you okay? You had a really terrified look on your face.” Nagito swallowed and nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine! Don’t worry about someone like me!” He tried to speak normally, but his voice cracked in the middle, making him curse himself for not being able to mask his fear. 

Hinata did not look convinced but he sighed and opened the door to the back seat, grabbing his cinch sack and slinging it over his back. Nagito grabbed his bag from the front seat and then exited the car. He joined the brunette on the sidewalk, letting the brunette lock his car, before walking to the beach with him. ¨Komaeda, are you sure you are ready? You don’t have to do this just because I am.”

“Nonsense Hinata-kun! I’ll be fine. Like I said before, with you here I’m sure I will be fine, I promise.” He smiled at the brunette in an attempt to soothe his fears and worries. The other finally sighed, “Okay, I trust you then.”

“Hinata-chan! Ko-chan! Over here!” Mioda waved her hand in the air signaling them over, a large grin on her face. She was in a black bikini with a hot pink music note pattern; her hair was pulled back into a ponytail. Koizumi was sat on a blanket laid out in the sand in a one piece that was red with white polka-dots with her camera in her hands taking pictures of Saionji and the others. Saionji was building a sand castle. Her swimsuit was a pale yellow one piece with light pink slanted stripes. Owari was battling Nidai on the beach like normal or as they liked to call it “training.” Owari was also in a bikini that was blue and white striped while Nidai wore a black speedo. Sonia was playing in the water dressed in a black wetsuit with Tanaka, dressed in black and purple swim shorts, and Souda, wearing electric blue swim shorts. Hinata began walking over to Mioda with Nagito following behind. Hinata smiled as they got closer to the blanket Mioda was standing by and where Koizumi was sitting. “Hey Mioda, Koizumi, what’s up? Where’s Tsumiki, Hanamura, Togami, Pekoyama, and Kuzuryuu?” Hinata placed his bag down on the blanket. 

“Tsumiki-chan, Byakuya-chan, and Hana couldn’t make it! Peko-chan and Kuzu-chan are coming soon!” Mioda enthused and quickly moved to hug Hinata, until her eyes landed on Nagito. She gasped in horror grabbing his arms. “Ko-chan! What happened to your arms and legs?” Her eyes were filled with concern and shock, but before he could say anything Hinata intervened. “Don’t worry about those Mioda. Komaeda’s not ready to talk about them.” At that point Koizumi turned around and was staring agape at his scarred arms and legs. Nagito felt his face flush of color and his body twitched as his anxiety began to bubble quickly. “Hey those look like scars to me.” Koizumi stated with pity seeping into her tone. Nagito swallowed quickly. “I… I’m not ready to talk about them.” Mioda and Koizumi both exchanged glances at each other before Koizumi smiled reassuringly. “Okay Komaeda, we respect your wish. You don’t have to talk about it until you’re ready.” Nagito sighed in relief, collapsing onto the blanket.

“Ah Hinata-san! Komaeda-kun! You both came!” A blonde came running over smiling widely, “I was unsure if you would come with what happened.” Sonia hugged Hinata and quickly moved to hug Nagito. “Komaeda-kun, I sincerely apologize for what happened to you. If only we were closer as a class, we may have been able to prevent your decision.” Sonia had always been a sweet and kind person, generally caring for everyone. Everyone liked her and there was no reason not to. Nagito smiled, “Ah thank you Sonia-san, but I assure you it is not your fault or the classes. The decision was all mine.” Sonia frowned, “Well all that matters is that you are doing better now.” She glanced down at his scars but said nothing. She probably knew that it was a sensitive subject to talk about. How kind of her to consider his feelings, but she had always been that way. 

Kuzuryuu and Pekoyama had come a few minutes later and once everyone had greeted each other, they went back to what they were doing before. Sonia had told them that once it was around mid-day they would gather together and eat lunch bonding together. However in the meantime Nagito stuck close to Hinata the entire time. Hinata smiled at him, “Do you want to go and dip our feet in the water, Ko?” Nagito felt his heart race, “Sure Hinata-kun! I’ll do whatever you wish.” 

The brunette held out his hand, pulling the other along to the water. Nagito followed being allowing himself to be guided by the brunette, and they both stepped in, the waves quickly swallowing their feet. Nagito chuckled, “Ah, it’s a bit cold.” Hinata smiled and walked farther into the water, the water level quickly rising to his waist as he walked deeper, plunging beneath the water. Nagito quickly became alarmed as his eyes darted around, trying to locate the brunette. “Hinata-kun… Hinata-kun! This isn’t funny! Come out please!” He walked in farther trying to find him, when suddenly his leg was yanked and he was pulled under the water. He dunked under for a few seconds before coming back up, gasping for air. Once he hit the surface, another popped up from the water grinning and laughing. “Hinata-kun!” He shouted. “That was not funny! You scared me!” He smacked the brunette’s arm, making the other laugh more. “Ah sorry, sorry. Here I’ll make it up to you.” He turned around and motioned for the other to get on his back. “Why should I trust you? You just pulled my under the water!” Nagito’s remark made the other grin. “Trust me, you’ll be fine. Come on, get on my back. I’ll give you a piggy back ride.” He sighed and muttered “fine” before climbing on to the other’s back and wrapping his arms around the others neck. Hinata walked deeper into the water holding onto Nagito’s thighs as Nagito leaned against his back becoming relaxed. 

A smile found it’s way onto his face as he shut his eyes focusing on the brunette’s warmth. In this moment nothing mattered to him. He felt like nothing could bother him in this moment. Nothing bad could happen to him or the brunette. In this moment everything felt perfect. He loved these moments with the brunette, because these were the moments where he felt truly human. He felt normal, not like a monster. He felt loved and cared for. He felt like he truly mattered to someone. “Hey Hinata-kun…” He spoke gently. “Yeah?” The brunette answered in the same quiet and gentle tone. “I’m really glad you’re here.” 

Hinata hummed as the other rested his chin on the brunette’s shoulder. “What do you mean?”   
“I’m happy you’re here, Hinata-kun. You’re so kind, even to someone like me. Even after all the horrible things I did and said to you, you’re still here. You still care about me.”

“Ko… No matter what you say or do to me, it’s not going to change the fact I care about you.”

Nagito’s smile grew as his eyes became lidded. He felt tired somehow even though he hadn’t done anything. But with his arms wrapped around the brunette, being carried like this, he felt at peace, like this was how he should feel all the time. “Hinata-kun, I am deeply in love with… the hope that sleeps inside you.” His mouth had got the better of him and he cursed himself for almost confessing his secret. Hinata chuckled, “My hope?” Nagito only hummed in response as he finally shut out everything but the warmth the brunette radiated. “I’m going to protect you, I promise.” The last thing he heard before drifting to sleep were these words. “All of this is for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's short! School has been hectic, aha


	7. His Reason

His fingers wrapped around the steering wheel of his car squeezing tightly. His anxiousness made him twitch occasionally. He wasn’t sure if this was wrong or right, and frankly he didn’t want to know. All that mattered was that the reason he was doing all this. His reason… Someone special to him. In his head he was chanting that phrase. This was all for them. Everything was going to be okay because he had a reason to stay alive. 

If he failed now, his past would be spread like wildfire and the torment the others would put his reason through would be worse. Watching his reason be shoved down the stairs like that… His reason was to be protected at all costs, no matter the pain.

But maybe that determination… 

Maybe that protection…

Maybe that want to help… 

Would break him. 

If he was bent.

If he was broke.

Even if he had to be sacrificed…

Everything would be okay. 

Because his reason was still alive.

His reason, the why, it would never be forgotten.

And that would be okay.

“I am deeply in love with… the hope that sleeps inside you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major foreshadowing


	8. Fragile

Nagito stared at his phone in dread. He had prolonged his time to respond to the unknown number but now he needed to face them. He had to give them an answer here and now, because if that photo was sent… there was no telling the way the other would react. He swallowed quickly as his phone vibrated. 

> 6:21 Unknown Number: I appreciate your cooperation, good choice. Now for your first demand, go to this address at 6:45 today. 

He shivered and typed a response before switching to a different contact. He clicked on the one labeled ‘Hinata-kun <3’. He smiled as he read the text messages they exchanged ever since they had met. Whenever he felt bad, he would always go back and read old messages, just to relive the moments. Every word the brunette typed sounded so real, like he could somehow hear the brunette’s voice in the messages. Every single sweet word, every single cheerful compliment, every hopeful reassurement only made him realize he was in too deep at this point. He had to sever his ties with the brunette before anything happened to him. 

Once he looked at the clock again, it read 6:35. He stood up and pocketed his phone, rushing out of his room and grabbing the car keys in a haste. Exiting the house and making his way into the car, he turned the key, igniting the engine, and backed out of the driveway. 

The whole drive to the coordinates sent to him, he thought about Hinata. The male invaded his thought’s all the time making it impossible for him to think of ways to separate from the brunette. This feeling of complete bliss when he was around him, this fast pace of his heart… He knew he was in love. He wasn’t oblivious to his feelings, but when the love was strong enough, desire and lust were surely evident. He lusted and desired to make the brunette his and his alone, but that was his selfish wish, one that could never happen, because it would only make things the more difficult. Sweet, pure Hinata-kun. He loved the brunette so dearly, never wanting to leave him. 

“All of this is for you.”

 

 

His breath was caught in his throat as his legs burned, the pain making his head spin. Once again it was brought down and hit his leg, making his head jerk upward as he tried to scream. His throat was sore from screaming and shouting so much, making it raw. He choked on his saliva and gagged. He wanted to cough but the gag in his mouth made it impossible to do that. It was even worse that he was in complete darkness, unable to see his attacker. 

The object was again swung, this time at his left wrist, and he lurched forwards. The restraints on the chair stopped him from going anywhere however, and he was absolutely stuck. He could hear the whisper, “I wonder what you feel right now.” His body shivered in fear. His wrist was definitely shattered or broken, but either way it still felt worse when the attacker repeated to strike that wrist with the bat. 

“I am deeply in love with… the hope that sleeps inside you.”

The last blow he felt was one to the back of the head, knocking him out.

 

 

Nagito pulled the car over to the side of the road and parked it, quickly getting out. The coordinates he had been sent to was some sort of abandoned warehouse. The warehouse must had been abandoned for some time as the whole place looked dirty and dusty, all around unsettling. He swallowed quickly and began working through the grass to get to the door. He approached the door and saw the door was slightly rusted at some of the edges of the doorframe, and the handle was oddly warm. He twisted the knob but it didn’t budge. He yanked it, tugging it helplessly. His phone vibrated. His fingers quickly took it out and he saw a text from the unknown number. 

> 6:47 Unknown Number: You need the key. It’s hidden in plain view.

He groaned, pocketing his phone. His eyes darted around seeing a vent beside the door toward the ground, bolted shut. He crouched down, wiping away dirt, turning the flashlight from his phone on. Shining it on the vent, he could see a small brass key towards the middle of the vent. He cursed. He’d have to find something to loosen the bolts. He stood back up and went around the area looking for any tool he could use. Anything like a screwdriver maybe… “Ah!” He walked towards the gate, grabbing the screwdriver of the ground and grinned. “What wonderful luck!” Quickly he rushed back to the vent and began unscrewing the screws one by one, each clanking against the ground. The cover to the vent crashed to the ground, and he reached inside grabbing the key. He slid the key inside the lock, turned it, and placed his hand on the doorknob. He took a deep breath and swung open the door.

The warehouse was dark and dusty, making Nagito cough and sneeze. He groaned shining his flashlight around. Cobwebs were everywhere as a thick layer of dust covered any equipment in it. He grimaced but took a step into the warehouse, eyes glancing around. There were multiple doors connecting to other parts of the building but one was different from the others. One of the doors to his left had light coming from under the crack of the door. The chills from the building made him shiver. His steps towards the door were cautious, echoing through the warehouse. His hand reached for the doorknob, which was oddly warm compared to the cold chill. He twisted it and opened the door, hearing it creak open. His body froze and his eyes widened. A single light illuminated the room. A chair was placed in the middle of the room with ropes wrapped it. A bat was carefully placed beside the chair, leaned against it. But what really caught his eye was the body lying in front of the chair. “Hinata!” He shouted and quickly bent down next to the brunette. The brunette was face down against the dirty quartz floor and his arms were badly bruised. He grabbed Hinata’s shoulder and shook it, gently. “Hinata… Hinata-kun! Get up, please!”

“Ngh… Koma...eda?” 

The male moved his head resting his chin on the floor. His eyes were dull, lifeless as he stared at the albino. “Hinata-kun… you’re hurt. What happened?” Nagito asked in a gentle voice. He didn’t want to scare the other. “I… Wrist.” Hinata muttered before his eyes closed again. Nagito stood up, ignoring the wobbling of his legs and the tears forming in his eyes, and gently picked the brunette up. He held him close to his chest and made his way out of the room, shaking a tear fell from his eyes. His legs wobbled as he stepped through the doorway, quickly trying to escape the warehouse and it’s painful feeling. Once outside he let out a shaky breath, and he opened the door to his car, gently laying the brunette in the back. As he started the car he nervously and frantically wrapped his fingers around the wheel, breathing unstably. His phone vibrated and he pulled it out, almost dropping it in the process. 

 

> 6:57 Unknown Number: He had what was coming to him. This is only the beginning. 

 

 

Nagito shifted from his position in the chair still staring at the brunette’s sleeping face. He looked so peaceful and calm in his sleep. His face, even if it was a bit bruised, was perfectly perfect. His tan skin was littered in nasty purple bruises, however when they fade, his skin would go back to looking flawless. That flawless tan skin was beautiful to him, much better than his sickly pale complexion. His fingers traced the tan skin, up his arms to his face, tracing his lips, tracing his nose, tracing his eyes, until he laid his hand on the male’s cheek. The male’s skin was warm, soft, and all around something he loved to touch. 

Every inch of the brunette was beautiful. His looks were perfect, flawless. His olive eyes, his sweet and salty lips, his dorky expressions… Nagito trembled as his lip quivered. He felt tears forming in his eyes again. He grabbed the male’s hand and grasped it tightly, holding on like it was his lifeline. “Hinata...kun… this is my fault isn’t it? You getting hurt like this, it is right? What even happened? Who would do this to you? Why would they do this to you? What are you doing behind my back?” He cried, “What are you doing behind my back…” He repeated again, voice quieting to a whisper. “Hinata-kun, please… tell me what’s going on. I want to help you, but I can’t do that unless you tell me what’s wrong. I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry…” 

He jerked forward as his tears fell down his cheeks, and he choked back a sob. This was the sign that he had to cut ties with the brunette. He wasn’t good for him. He would only bring him bad luck and misfortune. He would only drag him down, and then his hope would never be able to truly shine. He had to push him away. This was the only way. Nagito cried in defeat, self-loathing, pity, and anguish. His heart felt like it had stopped beating and he was struggling to breath. He didn’t want to believe this was it. He didn’t want to leave the brunette, because he was already struggling under love’s spell binding him to this man. “I’m sorry Hinata-kun.”

“...Komaeda.” A call of his name made his head shoot up and see the brunette looking at the ceiling. His eyes looked clouded with emotion, but he felt the brunette squeeze his hand. “I’m going to be okay. None of this is your fault.” He said it so gently and soothingly that it only made him want to cry worse. He did not deserve the gentleness that was in his tone. It was the same a mother would give to comfort her scared child, that gentle loving tone. “No Hinata-kun…” Nagito sniffled and wiped away his tears, “It is my fault. It’s all my fault that you’re being hurt. I can’t forgive myself for that. Heh, I’m just that horrible aren’t I?” 

Hinata tried to sit up, grinding his teeth together in pain from his wrist. “K-Ko, you’re not, aah, horrible. And this is all my doing. I’m the one who agreed to it. I take full responsibility for everything happening to me. But the reason why is all for you.” His tone again was gentle as his eyes drifted upwards, staring into Nagito’s. They were so captivating, holding Nagito paralyzed as if he was being hypnotized. His olive eyes were glimmering beautifully, staring at him with intensity. He wasn’t sure what came over him, but when he snapped back to reality his lips were on the others, slowly and surely melting together. His eyes closed as euphoria blossomed inside his chest making his heart swell. His chest ached as the urge to claim more rose within him, but the brunette swiped his tongue across his lips coaxing him in. Nagito complied letting the male slip his tongue through. The brunette took control and explored the albino’s mouth suckign on his tongue, making him moan. The two soon pulled away, a string of saliva being the only thing that connected them, as they stared into each other’s lust filled eyes. They stared at each other in a comforting silence, neither wanting to break it. Hinata smiled at him and laid back down, motioning for the albino to do the same, and he complied, laying beside the brunette. Using his right hand, Hinata caressed Nagito’s cheek and stared at him in love and admiration. Sparks of hope glimmered in his eyes making Nagito smile. “Hinata-kun…”

“Nagito, I love you.” Those words made his chest become heavy, but his heartbeat began to accelerate. He hadn’t heard those words in a long time. They were something that he had always wanted to hear but never got to. Those words were like a sacred saying to him. And now here Hinata was, spilling those words like it was normal. A hand touched his cheek wiping away something that he now realized was a tear. He was crying in front of Hinata. He must look so pathetic crying like this. “Nagito, why are you crying?” Hinata asked. Nagito swallowed and smiled, “Because I haven’t heard those words in so long.. And Hinata-kun is saying them to garbage like me, it just feels like a dream come true.” He wiped away the tears in his eyes still smiling. 

However he knew he could not say it back. If he said it back there was no telling what would happen. If he said those words back, his luck would ultimately do something to ruin that. Saying those words would make that feeling real to both of them. He couldn’t say them. He couldn’t say it back. “Nagito…? Are you okay?You look more pale than usual..” He snapped back to reality to see his skin was paling and he was shaking. A cry of anguish and despair came from his mouth before he realized, the fact that it was him crying not registering. He just continued to cry out more and more, his cry becoming more heart wrenching. His heart squeezed tightly as he continued to cry until his voice died out. At that point he was struggling to breathe from his crying fit and he struggled to grasp air. Hinata stared at him in helplessness making Nagito feel guilty. Hinata actually loved him. He loved him back, something that he had yearned for ever since he had discovered he was feeling this way for the brunette. He truly did love him with all of his heart, but he could not tell him otherwise that would end in tragedy. Their relationship would be forbidden. “Nagito…” His voice was calming, soothing enough to bring him back to reality. Hinata was holding his body tightly in his arms petting his unruly white hair in an attempt to comfort him. Nagito’s gaze, eyes half lidded, drifted up to his, his own eyes filled in anguish weaving with despair and hopelessness. “Hinata-kun…” The brunette pulled him close, hugging him tightly, warmth soothingly comforting him. “Nagito, it’s okay. I know I’m putting you in a tough position. It’s okay if you don’t love me back. I don’t want to pressure you into something you don’t want.” Nagito continued to stare blankly, losing himself quickly as he felt his emotions being yanked around until they were just numb. He wanted to scream at the man how wrong he was and that he did love him but his body wouldn’t listen to him. Instead he felt his body shutting down completely. “What about your wrist…?” He strained to ask. 

Hinata winced and grimaced, “It’s not great. I think it’s broken, to be honest.” Nagito only nodded in response. The brunette shifted and carefully laid the albino down onto the bed trying not to cause himself any pain. “Come on, let’s sleep. It’s late out and I’m sure you’ll feel better tomorrow.” He nodded again and snuggled into his green jacket, shutting his eyes. An arm wrapped around him pulling him close. “Cause the love you used to feel is still there, inside. It may be a faded photograph, but I know you care, so don't hide. If you're scared, I'm here beside you. If you get lost I'm here to guide you. And I give you peace when peace is fragile. Love is all the good in you. Love is peace when peace is fragile.” The brunette sang quietly to him, lulling him into slumber.

 

Nagito quickly ran through the dark streets as the rain poured down, drenching him. His feet slapped against the concrete hastily, rushing. His eyes darted around the streets looking for someone in particular. He needed to find him, no matter what. ¨Hinata-kun!” He shouted, desperately. ¨Hinata-kun please!¨ 

His shouts were in vain however as he came across the warehouse that he had found Hinata in before. A feeling of hope blossomed in him as he felt a burst of speed push him to the location. His hand quickly wrapped around the handle yanking it quickly. It didn't budge. He yanked it again. And again. And again. 

He groaned and brought his strength to kick the door. He kicked it again. He kicked it once more until the door creaked open. He sighed and opened the door, rushing inside. But once he got inside he found something he didn't want to see. He felt his breath lodge in his throat.

A body was suspended from the ceiling, head tilted down. Blood pooled from their left eye and he couldn't even see the other. Until he noticed it lying on the ground beside the person's feet. The socket where the right eye was supposed to be was just a bloodied pool into the inside of his skull. Multiple stab wounds were inflicted on their arms and legs, and he noticed two fingers had been cut off their right hand while three had been cut off from the left. In their thigh an ice pick was lodged deeply into the skin; the chest was drenched in blood, dying the once white shirt a deep crimson, from a bullet wound. Then in the back of the head a nail had been hammered into their skull, making Nagito cringe. And below on the floor written in their blood was the phrase, “All for you, Komaeda.”

His body trembled as he choked on tears. Shock, disbelief, anger, sadness, guilt, and despair sent him spiraling into helplessness. He screamed out the person’s name over and over, trying to believe this was all a fantasy, some sick dream made all in his head. But the empowering smell of copper hit him hard, shaking his belief. ¨Hajime!¨

 

 

He bolted upright in the bed, sweat clinging to his body as he trembled. He clutched the blanket tightly in his hands and he struggled to breathe. Tears were rushing down his cheeks, however a hand was placed on his gently. ¨Nagito,¨ the voice sounded cutting through the darkness. ¨are you alright? You were screaming out my name and you were tossing and turning. You had a nightmare didn't you?¨ Hinata was sitting up in the bed, concern clear on his face. Nagito nodded making the brunette frown. ¨It´s okay. Whatever you dreamed about wasn´t real. Are you able to tell me what happened?¨ 

¨I- I was running in the rain, and I think I was looking for you because I was shouting your name. T-The warehouse I found you in before a-appeared. I started kicking at the d-door until it opened. O-Once it opened, I s-saw you suspended in the a-air. You were… you were...¨ He choked again, hugging himself and wincing. At this the brunette shushed him and gently wrapped his good arm around his trembling body. “It’s okay Nagito. You don’t have to go on. It’s okay, it was only a dream.”   
Nagito didn’t want to believe that something that gruesome would happen to Hinata. No, it simply could not be his death. Something like that… could not happen to him. 

Hinata helped lay him back down onto the bed and ran his fingers through his hair in attempt to soothe him. Nagito shifted and closed his eyes cuddling up to the brunette. Hinata smiled and continued to pet his hair. “I love you Nagito…”

Once he knew the male was asleep he got out of the bed, carefully trying not to inflict pain with his wrist. He grimaced as a wave of pain came from his legs. He quietly groaned but moved out of the room, closing the door behind him. He limped down the hallway until he felt a safe distance away from the other’s room. He pulled out his phone. He had a text.

> 10: 54 Unknown Number: You have two weeks to come up with your decision. Remember, all for Komaeda.


	9. Sanctuary

Nagito woke up the next morning yawning and sitting up in the bed. His eyes glanced around and noticed the brunette curled up into him. Hinata’s head rested on his chest and his arm was wrapped around his waist. He smiled, but struggled to get out of the brunette’s grip. The brunette groaned and tightened his grip. “Hinata-kun…” He whispered, groaning, “come on, get up. We can’t sleep all day.” The brunette groaned again, and he nuzzled into his stomach, making the albino giggle and squirm. “Wait Nagito… are you ticklish?” Hinata slowly lifted his head off his stomach, mischievously smiling. “N-No..” He answered quietly, blushing. He felt Hinata’s right hand run up and down his torso, making him shiver in pleasure. He bit back a moan making Hinata pout. “Aww come on, Nagito. I want to hear your voice.” 

“Hina-ta...k-kun,” He moaned out and the brunette smiled, placing his head in the crook of his neck, brushing his lips against his neck softly. It made him shiver again. “You’re so cute, look at you.” The brunette grinned and sucked on his neck making Nagito moan in pleasure. “H-Hajime..” He breathed out shaking under the brunette’s touch. The male continued to run his hand down his body, making him whimper. He was so vulnerable to the brunette’s touch. One single tap of the finger could make him whimper. Any small kiss on his neck was enough to make him shiver. Hinata continued and slowly lifted Nagito’s shirt, trailing kisses up from his stomach to his chest. Nagito moaned again. Hinata smiled and placed his lips on his stomach again, and Nagito assumed he was going to bite it, but instead he blew on it. Nagito chuckled and squirmed as he continued to blow mercilessly. “N-No! Hajime! Hahaha! S-Stop it!” He wiggled around and the other began to laugh. His laugh was like a melody, sweet and soothing. He loved to hear that sound. 

“Are you okay Nagito?”

“Hm? Oh yes! I’m fine! Sorry, sorry I was staring wasn’t I?”

“It’s fine. I don’t mind.” 

They smiled at each other. Each of them staring at the other in complete bliss and love. He really, really loved this man. He wanted to be with him forever, no matter the cost. If he had to be honest, he’d probably give his life to insanity if it meant he could have his lover. As long as he could stay with Hinata, everything would be okay. No matter what, everything would be okay in the end. 

No matter the pain. 

No matter the suffering.

No matter the heartbreak.

Everything would be okay.

 

 

 

Nagito walked into the school building with Hinata following behind him. A large crowd of students gathered around rushing to get to class. Completely normal, yet something felt weird. A feeling settled in his gut, one he was not fond of. Hinata walked ahead going to the stairwell as he followed. This feeling was odd, one he hadn’t felt. He continued walking however, keeping this feeling a secret only to him. He couldn’t tell Hinata. That would only make the male worry which was not what he wanted. The other already had enough to worry about with his broken wrist, more stress would just destroy him. The duo walked up the stairs taking a left, going past multiple classrooms. Some students were already in their designated classrooms either talking with friends, reading, or working on homework. Every classroom was different, unique, and special. Each and every one had a class of fifteen to sixteen different ultimate’s, beacons of shining hope. 

Suddenly as if the world stopped, he noticed someone standing by one of the windows, staring out into the distance. Their icy gaze watched a class of students running laps on the track outside, laughing and motivating each other, being hopeful. However their eyes narrowed on them, glaring, before a smile spread across their face. The smile made Nagito shudder, fear creeping up his spine. Their aura was one that was classified by all negative emotions. But one of them was intimidation, scarily intimidating. Even if they were a female. She was wearing the normal school uniform however the skirt had been shortened somewhat with high-heeled black boots, and they had their pinkish blonde hair done up in pigtails. He remembered seeing her before, but he couldn’t place where. Before he realized it, she turned and her icy blue eyes met with his, locking eye contact. He stood in his place, paralyzed; fear crept up his spine, slowly holding him in place. No matter how much he willed it, he couldn’t look away from the lady. Even as she began walking over to him- the clicking of her boots on the tile floor echoing- he couldn’t turn away to leave. His body wouldn’t allow him to. He’d sworn he had seen this lady before, but he just couldn’t place where. The clicking stopped as she stood face to face with him, smiling. He swallowed. “You know it’s not polite to stare at a lady.” She spoke. Her voice made him shiver. She held out her hand, him noting the long red nails. “I guess we should be acquainted then. Hello, I’m Junko Enoshima. What’s your name?” He stared at her. “Nagito Komaeda,” He muttered. She smiled wider. “Ah well then, it was nice meeting you Komaeda-kun. Maybe we’ll meet again sometime, yeah?” He blankly watched her, his mind seeming to stop completely. “Yeah, see you around Enoshima-san.” With that she walked away and whatever spell had bound him to that spot immediately wore off. He stumbled forwards, catching his breath quickly. The suffocating air had evaporated, leaving the normal cheerful vibe from other students. He sucked in air, struggling after suffocating from the once tense air. He quickly turned around going to his designated classroom still trying to breathe.

Once he walked in the room, he was greeted by chatting amongst his classmates and playful banter. “Ko-chan!” A voice shouted and hugged him tightly, shocking him. “M-Mioda-san?” He stuttered out surprised. “Ko-chan, do you know what happened to Hinata-chan’s wrist?” He shook his head making her frown. “No, I’m sorry Mioda-san. I don’t know what happened to his wrist. All I know is that he broke it…” Mioda pouted and hurried at hug Hinata who was already perched at his desk. Nagito calmly walked over to him and took his seat, which was located in front of Hinata’s, and turned around to face him. He smiled calmly at the brunette who returned the gesture. “Hinata-kun, it seems like the whole class is worried about you. I’m surprised Tsumiki hasn’t come to check out your wrist yet.” Hinata chuckled, “She’s probably busy down at the infirmary. I heard a poor freshman got a black eye from getting hit in the eye with a baseball. I think his name was Naegi or something like that. Poor guy, he was hit by the ultimate baseball star, Kuwata.” Nagito smiled and giggled, “That sounds like unfortunate luck to me. I wonder if something like that will happen to me. Ah, but you would’ve freaked out if it had been me.” Hinata smiled lovingly, “That is true, but I can’t help it. I feel...protective over you I guess, if that makes sense. I can’t help but to try and do whatever I can to protect you. No matter what happens to me, I have to protect you.” He smirked. “Look at Mr. Over-Protective Hinata-kun over here. How sweet of you to care for garbage like me.” Hinata frowned, holding in his urge to flick the albino for saying he was garbage. “You’re not garbage Komaeda. You’re a person just like me. You are important, and you do matter. Okay?” Nagito smiled and nodded. “Whatever Hinata-kun says.”

He was about to turn around until a hand tugged his. “Hey, who was that girl?” He suddenly said, tone serious and quiet. It was one he rarely used. Only when he was serious. This must have been important then for him to use that tone like that. “Hm?” He pursed his lips in confusion. “What girl?” He suddenly felt himself becoming quickly agitated with the brunette. “That girl that came up to you. She had pinkish-blonde pigtails, blue eyes. Who was she?” He questioned quickly. Nagito’s eyebrow twitched, “That’s frankly none of your business Hinata-kun.” He wasn’t sure why he was getting so worked up about this. He could’ve simply answered the question, but instead he was getting upset over a dumb question. “Look Ko, you don’t have to get defensive. I’m just wondering if-” Nagito rolled his eyes and sneered, “What? Can I not just meet people? Do I always have to tell you when I meet someone new? Are you scared that I’ll leave you or something? Honestly, grow up Hinata-kun.” The response made the brunette stiffen considerably. His eyes drifted downwards to their hands, which he hadn’t noticed were intertwined, and bit his lip. The brunette nodded somberly and pulled away his hand, bringing it back down to his side, much to the disappointment of the albino. “You’re right, sorry.” The brunette looked crushed, devastated, which made him feel guilty. “No Hinata-kun I-” Before he could finish the teacher, Miss Yukizome, walked in, forcing him to turn around and pay attention. 

Finally once the class was over he rushed to turn around so he could apologize for his crude behavior, however when he turned around Hinata wasn’t there. He stared at the empty desk crestfallen. Hinata must have really wanted to leave. Nagito didn’t blame him. He had been the one to get made at the brunette for a simple question that he could have politely answered. Maybe then he wouldn’t feel so guilty. Instead he acted high and mighty against the other, becoming defensive over a simple question. He let out a sigh and his eyes wondered around the now empty classroom. The once joyful atmosphere just felt dull and lifeless, leaving him to sulk in the room alone. 

He played back the argument they had before in his mind, regretting what he had said. He shouldn’t have gotten so defensive over a dumb question. And he even told Hinata that he needed to grow up. Hinata was one of the most grown up person he knew, even for a high school student. He really was such trash for telling him to grow up. He was so rude, spilling lies. “I’m sorry Hinata-kun.” He whispered to himself. The atmosphere of the room began to bring him down, making him feel more depressed than he already was. He really did hate himself for starting an argument with the brunette like that. He was only curious, and if had been the other way around, Nagito would’ve asked about the woman too. His worry and guilt felt like it was going to consume him, and before he knew it he was crying. 

He didn’t understand why he got so defensive in the first place. He truly didn’t understand what made him start the fight. What made it worse was that he took the initiative to start the argument. Now he felt like the absolute worst. 

 

 

He quickly walked out of the doors, lunch in hand, trying to hold back his own sadness. What he had been told had hurt him, deeply. Maybe he had been right that he needed to grow up. He shouldn’t feel jealous over some girl.. Was he even jealous? That’s what the other had said, but deep down he knew. He wasn’t jealous. He was being protective. Something in his gut told him that that woman meant bad news. She may have had a pretty face and a convincing smile, but he knew there was something off about her. She was not at all what she seemed, and he did not trust her. She was a wolf in sheep’s clothing, that much he was sure of. 

But what the other had said…   
Was he right? Did he need to grow up? Was he just being childish? Why did those words hurt him so badly? Was he truly guilty of being childish..? 

He felt like somewhat of a coward for running away like that, but he couldn’t face the other, at least not right now. While he was walking a few documents he had been given suddenly came to mind. He only had two weeks left to decide. He grimaced as he thought about them. But they had been the whole reason he had came to this school in the first place… and it was all up to his decision. Would he go through with it and stay at the academy, or would he chicken out and go back to his old high school? 

He truly didn’t know the right choice anymore. 

He thought he had known the whole time, but ever since he had met the other it seemed as if what he thought he wanted was just something he really never wanted. Did he truly want to risk everything?

“I am deeply in love with… the hope that sleeps inside you.”

 

 

Nagito sat in class nervously tapping his foot against the floor. There were back to lessons and he felt nervous because Hinata was sitting behind him. He felt like he couldn’t focus on anything because of his guilt. He felt so bad. He wanted to turn around and apologize for his insulting behavior to the brunette over and over again, however he wasn’t able to because he didn’t want to disrupt Miss Yukizome. The voices in his brain were screaming at him to apologize now before it was too late. Before the brunette began to hate him. Before he lost the only person he truly loved with his heart. “Komaeda-kun?” A voice broke his train of thought making him jump. “Y-Yes, Yukizome-sensei?” He stuttered out, cursing himself internally for stuttering. Yukizome was looking at him concerned, “Are you alright? You seem to be nervous and anxious. Is something wrong?” He shook his head. “No, I apologize for such trash like myself to interrupt your teaching. Please, go on Yukizome-sensei.” She sighed, and he knew she didn’t believe him. “Well just please pay attention then.” He nodded and she went back to teaching the class. He tried to pay attention, but he just couldn’t focus. 

But maybe he shouldn’t apologize… Then the brunette would hate him and leave him. That way he wouldn’t have the risk of getting hurt by his luck. Hinata could just move on…

 

 

 

The class was finally over and Nagito found himself quickly searching for the brunette. He spotted him making his way to the door. He bolted up rushing to him, attempting to grab his wrist. However he was too late. The brunette walked out of the door and went down the hallway, staring at the ground. He watched him walk away, mouth open in shock. No matter how much he wanted to run after him, his body wouldn’t allow it. He just stood there, guilt quickly squeezing his heart. He dropped his hand back down to his side, disappointed. What was he expecting? He had hurt the brunette, so did he really expect to make everything better so soon?  
He sighed and decided to leave the classroom, hurrying to make his way out of the school. He felt too guilty there. It only reminded him of his mistake. He rushed out of the building and began running down the street as tears began to glisten in his eyes. It was moments like this where he wished his life was like a movie so that some unexpected call or text would come from the other saying they understand and that they aren’t mad. However this was not a movie. This was reality. A cruel, sick, reality he lived in.

His legs ached and his chest was tightening, making it hard to breathe, but he continued running not stopping until he got to the safety of his house. He needed to be there. That was the only place he felt safe. Even if the walls echoed silenced sobs, even if the lights cried out to be bright again, even if the atmosphere was lonely, longing for the once warm homey feeling, it was still his sanctuary. A sanctuary that had been long forgotten by most, but he trudged on. He continued to run as the tears finally spilled over his cheeks, tumbling quickly to the ground. His body ached and his chest began to grow tighter, but he could see his house begin to peak out in the distance. He kept running and hopped his stairs two at a time, before throwing open the door and slamming it shut behind him. Once the door was shut he leaned against the back of the door, sliding down against it, collapsing into tears. He cried out screaming in agony. This was starting to become too much for him. Arms wrapped around him, holding him tightly in an embrace. He cried into their shoulder as they began to pet his hair. He choked on his sobs, and they hugged him tighter.

Finally after a few minutes, he calmed down and was blankly staring at the pitch black. “Nagito, what’s wrong?” The voice finally asked and they pulled away from him. He saw their face and softly smiled. Nanami was hovering over him, concerned as always. She was such a kind angel. “Ah… it’s nothing Nanami-san. Please don’t worry about it.” She frowned, “It’s not nothing to worry about. You know I care about you.”

“Ah of course. But I’m not ready to tell, please be patient with me.”

She sighed and nodded, “Of course.” She went back to petting his head as he curled up into a ball, head on her lap. “Hey Nanami-san?”

“Yes Nagito?”

“Thank you.” She smiled gently but didn’t say anything. 

“Is it alright if I ask you a question?” He whispered.

“Go ahead.” 

“This may seem a bit insensitive of me, but you never really told me how you died. Do you mind telling me? You don’t have to if you don’t wish to.” 

She nodded and pulled him closer. “It’s okay. I’ll tell you.” She took a deep breath, “It was a long time ago that I became an angel. I’ve been a guardian for many people. Once my assigned person dies and goes to Heaven, I get assigned to a new person. This happened to be you. Now how I died is like a lot of deaths really. It’s not as tragic as others think really. I, simply speaking, got killed in a car crash. It was fast and there was hardly any pain. I just died on impact.”

“I’m...sorry. That sounds awful. I can’t even imagine how confused you were once you got to Heaven.”

“You have no idea.” She chuckled lightly. “I’m sorry you had to sign a contract with me. It was the only way I could protect you… But compared to the other’s, you’re special.”

Nagito shut his eyes, sleep tugging at him. “Unlike all my other cases, you’re a special one. You weren’t assigned to me. I chose you. I chose you when no one else would, because I knew you needed someone the most.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so it begins. The beginning of the end. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the new chapter! School has been a pain. That's part of the reason why this chapter is so short, but I hope you liked it nonetheless!


	10. I Will Become Everyone's Hope

Nagito trudged through the school looking like he had car. Honestly he wish he had been at this point. Hinata hadn’t talked to him at all, and with good reason, however it was ripping him apart. He was unable to think correctly. His guilt continued to gnaw on him. He had promised himself that if he had seen the brunette he’d apologize immediately, but the only problem was that he hadn’t seen him at all. He continued his way up the stairs, grunting each step, but he slipped. He braced himself for the impact on the stairs, until a hand grabbed his wrist and pulled him back. However they yanked too hard and that sent the both of them tumbling down the step onto the floor. He let out a groan sitting up to see who had helped him. A smaller boy with light brown hair, dressed in a green hoodie, black pants, and red sneakers, sat up rubbing the back of his head. “Ow.” He groaned before chuckling. “Man, what crappy luck, oh well. Hey sorry for, uh, pulling you down the stairs.” The smaller brunette apologized standing up and dusting his clothes off. He held out his hand which Nagito took, and he helped him up. Nagito quickly noticed the height difference. “Don’t worry about it.” Nagito replied curtly. “Hey are you okay? Nothing happen?” Nagito shook his head. “No. I assure you I’m fine.” 

 

“If you say so. I’m Naegi Makoto. I’m from the 78th class. What about you?”

 

“Naegi? So you’re the freshman who got hit with the baseball?”

 

“A-Ah yeah. Gosh I can’t believe how fast that spread around the school.. Anyway what’s your name?”

 

“Komaeda Nagito from the 77th class. It’s nice to meet you.”   
The shorter male nodded, smiling. “Same here. Well let’s get to class. See you around Komaeda!” Quickly the brunette raced up the stairs almost slipping. Nagito chuckled, smiling before continuing his way up the stairs to his classroom. 

 

He was took a step into the room. A hand quickly wrapped around his wrist, yanking him out the room and dragging him away. Once they were away from the crowd, the person let go of his wrist and dropped their hand down to their side. Nagito rubbed his wrist, trying to soothe the ache. “Nagito, I need to talk to you.”

 

“Don’t, please. If this is about yesterday, I understand why you were upset with garbage like me. I had no right to-” A sudden kiss silenced him, and he melted into the warm bittersweet taste on the other's lips. He moaned quietly as the other pulled away. “Don’t talk about yourself like that. I want to forget what happened yesterday.”

 

“But Hinata-kun, I-”

 

“Stop, it’s okay. I forgive you, okay?” His olive eyes glimmered. Absolutely beautiful.

 

A smile formed on his face. “Okay. Thank you… Hajime.” 

 

The other smiled back at him, kissing his cheek. “I love you.”

 

“I love you too.” He chuckled.

\---

He loved the way he laughed.

 

He loved the way he smiled.

 

He loved the way he pouted.

 

He loved the way he bit his lip.

 

He loved the glimmer in his eyes.

 

He loved his voice.

 

He loved his personality.

 

He loved his secrets.  
He loved his way of trying to hide.

 

He loved the way he lied.

 

He loved the way the other thought he was blind.

 

He loved the way the other kept secrets from him.

 

He loved the way the other was playing him.

 

But he didn’t mind.

 

As long as it could help, he didn’t mind.

 

He loved the way he loved the hope that slept inside him.

 

\---

She chuckled deeply, fingers typing away at the keyboard. 

 

One week left, she reminded the man. 

\---

Nagito sighed in relief as he held onto the man. His hand reached, creeping up the others spine. It made the other shudder and gasp slightly. He chuckled. “Hinata-kun, you’re so cute.” The brunette smiled warmly at him, letting out a raspy laugh. “Be careful, okay? My wrist is still a bit messed up.”

 

“Yes, Hinata-kun.” He placed his hand on the other’s arm, his smooth, sun-kissed skin a great contrast to his pale, almost white skin. This contrast made him frown a bit. “You know you can call me Hajime, right? You don’t always have to refer to my last name.” The brunette spoke, placing his hand on Nagito’s cheek, rubbing it with his thumb gently. “Ah? I can? What an honor! I feel so special to call you by your given name, Hajime-kun!” Hinata rolled his eyes, smiling more before planting a kiss on the other’s cheek. “We should probably get dressed.” 

 

“Ah but Hajime, it’s nice to just lay here in our boxer’s…” Nagito pouted, like a child. Hinata chuckled softly, “Oh? And I thought you just wanted to see my chest?” Nagito smiled, lightly smacking the other’s arm. “That’s not the only reason, you silly! Now come on, we have to go get dressed.” Hinata sat up, stretching. “Okay, okay. I’m going to take a shower then. Once I’m done, do you want to get in?” Nagito nodded, making the other smile more. “And you say I’m the cute one, Nagito. You’re the cute one.” 

 

A blush tinted his cheeks and he stared at the other, dumbfounded. That made Hinata chuckle more as he just left the room, going into the bathroom. Nagito sat up in the bed, snuggling with the sheets on Hinata’s bed. He adored the man so much. Everything Hinata did, he loved. He didn’t want anyone else. All he wanted was to go through his life with the one person who’s tried to understand him. No one had tried to understand him like Hinata had, and that much he was thankful for. 

 

He was so in love with this man, head over heels. He wanted nothing more than happiness for the other. If Hinata was happy that was all that mattered to him. 

 

Nagito’s eyes drifted around the male’s room when he noticed his school bag sitting on the desk chair. A few papers were sticking out of it, and they quickly caught his eye. He didn’t know whether to be a good person and not look at them, or take a quick peep. It wasn’t like the other was going to know. 

 

Gathering his courage, he carefully slipped out of the bed and approached the bag. Nerves began bubbling inside of him, causing him to briefly pause for a moment. But he quickly shook it off and swallowed deeply as he undid the buckle on the brunette’s bag. He gently lifted the flap and reached into the bag, grabbing the paper sticking out from the top. He noticed it was a letter addressed to Hinata from the administrators of Kibougamine Gakuen, and from the greeting it looked like it was an important one. His eyes glossed over the words until a name came into view in bold letters.

 

Hope Cultivation Plan

 

Izuru Kamukura Project

 

It felt like the wind had been taken from his lungs as his legs wobbled. He pushed around in the other’s schoolbag more, pulling out a file folder filled with documents. On the front it had the label “Hope Cultivation Plan” stamped in large red letters. He flipped it open reading more of the documents inside.

 

The more he read the more he felt betrayed and hurt. 

 

Tears gathered in his eyes as he read the last document. Some of his tears spilled onto the paper and he clutched them tighter. Anger boiled in his veins. 

 

Next he heard the shower shut off. He collapsed to the floor, the papers and documents scattered around him, as he held onto his arms tightly. It was like the world was crumbling around him and he was being sent into chaos. 

 

He heard the door open but he didn’t dare turn around. “Nagito, you can use the shower now.” He continued to stare into space, his back to the brunette. He was numbly trying to process what he had read. The reason he had come to the academy. “Nagito, are you okay? What’s-”

 

“What is the Hope Cultivation Plan?” He interrupted coldly, still blankly staring. His heart felt like it had been shattered, thrown to the ground and was rentlessly beaten with a sledgehammer. It hurt so much. But he should have seen this coming really. Nanami had warned him of this, but he hadn’t headed the warning. 

 

The silence around them was suffocating. “What is the Hope Cultivation Plan?” He asked again, demanding. 

 

“Nagito, you...you weren’t supposed to see that.”

 

“You hid this from me. You lied to me.” Saying those words hurt. Saying them meant that it actually was the truth, and he hated to admit that. He hated to admit that the other had lied to him. He hated to admit that the other had hid stuff from him behind his back. “You don’t trust me, Hajime. That’s so obvious.”

 

“No, it’s not that I don’t trust you-”

 

“Then what? What is it?” He turned to the brunette, tears filled with pain and resentment. “Tell me what it means Hajime! I don’t understand.”

 

“I didn’t want you to get hurt.” The brunette admitted crestfallen. His face was filled with anguish. He must have been devastated. But so was Nagito, and he wasn’t going to quickly forgive the other. “Nagito, please, I do care about you. I didn’t want you to get hurt because of me. I told you that I’d do anything to help you…”

 

“You are a liar. I can’t believe I trusted you. Heh, I should’ve seen this coming really. Every time I get close to someone, I always get backstabbed in the end. Betrayed.”

 

“I would never betray you… You have to believe me. After all this time we’ve spent together you think I would betray you?”

 

Nagito shook his head, laughing. “Really? It’s just an endless cycle. I’m fine with it by now. And you have betrayed me, Hinata-kun. You lied to me about this. Now, tell me the truth. Why did you come to the academy?”

 

Hinata sighed, scratching at his skin. “The academy chose me to participate in a project they were developing. I accepted it and they enrolled me into the academy. But they gave me time to think about the Hope Cultivation Plan. I have a week to give them my decision. I’m sorry.” Hinata continued to itch his skin. “I...I wasn’t sure at first, but after meeting you, I...I wanted to look at you and say I was just like you. I was talented and that way you could be proud of me.”

 

“You, someone who is talentless and insignificant, wanted me to be proud of them? Hah, what a fool.” Nagito shook his head. “I’m leaving.” He started walking towards the door. His heart pounded in his chest, weighing heavy. The words coming out of his mouth felt vile. Despicable. He really felt like such low scum.

 

But he didn’t turn around as the other cried out his name.

 

He didn’t turn around when the other screamed for him to come back.

 

He didn’t turn around when the other said how much he loved him.

 

\---

Nagito…

 

I love you so much. Over these months, I’ve developed such strong feelings for you, ones I’ve never experienced before. I’m doing this for you. 

 

Everyday I’d hear you talk about hope.

 

I want to become your hope, even if I have to give myself up. 

 

I want to look at you and say that I’m like you.

 

I want you to be proud of me.

 

I told you I’d do anything for you, and I still hold that dear.

 

\---

“Are you positive on your decision? You still have one more week to decide.”

 

“I’m in love with...the hope that sleeps inside you.”

 

This must have been what he meant. He would become the hope that slept within him, to make his lover proud. 

 

“I will become everyone’s hope.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah i'm sorry if it seems rushed! I've been super busy lately, i'm sorry! Happy Early Halloween! Thank you for reading this chapter! Aha did I give you the feels?


	11. Hope Cultivation Plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for it being so short, but please understand my reasoning.

Months passed, long days and nights before him. Nagito went in and out through everyday with no feeling, no emotion whatsoever. Everything was bleak. A bleak white.

 

It was now the winter season and snow coated the ground. The pale white reminded him of his ungodly hair, which he hated. He hated his untamable ball of fluff that he was born with. It was an utter rats nest, ugly. He hated it so much. He did not understand how anyone could possibly love it. 

 

His eyes were ugly. The green color reminding him of a dull forest. Just an ugly dullness. Disgusting.

 

His pale skin was sickly. So utterly pale that he was sure he looked like a dead corpse walking. 

 

He was probably better off dead anyway.

 

His stomach growled and he frowned, turning to the other side of the bed. The bitter cold nipped at him, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything anymore. His eyes stared at nothing, just a bleak darkness. 

 

Six months, fifteen days, and thirteen minutes. 

 

Fourteen minutes.

 

Fifteen minutes.

 

Sixteen minutes.

 

Seventeen minutes…

 

Eighteen minutes…

 

Nineteen minutes…

 

Twenty minutes…

 

He sighed, curling up into a ball.

 

Guilt chewed at him. It had been everyday now, only growing worse and worse. He wasn’t even sure that there was anything to be guilty about anymore…   
Calling him a liar.

 

Telling him he was worthless.

 

Saying he was insignificant.

 

Being betrayed by the one he loved… 

 

What was there for him to be guilty about?

 

He tried convincing himself he was not the bad guy.

 

But he knew he was.

 

He was the bad guy, the one who broke someone’s heart. 

 

But that someone did matter.

 

They were significant. 

 

And he still loved him just the way he was.

 

He was going to do something for him, and him alone. 

 

He wanted a talent just so he would be proud of him.

 

But the sad thing was… he already was proud of him.

 

He was so proud of him but he did not know why… 

 

But he missed him.

 

He yearned for his warmth.

 

He longed for his comforting touch.

 

He wished to feel his soft lips pressing against his own again.

 

He just wanted to fix everything.

 

But he couldn't.

 

His love had been expelled from the academy six months prior, and he didn't know why. He had come to class normally, only to find the brunette’s desk empty. At first he thought nothing of it, but after a few days of his desk being empty he began to worry. He asked their teacher, which had turned out to be a mistake.

 

When he got the news the brunette was expelled, his entire world caved in on itself. His feelings crumbled, and his mind was crushed. The news felt wrong. It had to have been a mistake. There was nothing the brunette had done to be up for expulsion like he had. It was so...quick. 

 

But now here he was. Staring blankly at the darkness in his room, shivering from the cold, wondering what the other was doing right at this moment.

 

It may have been karma.

 

Nagito at least expected a text informing him that he was fine, but instead every text went unanswered. After a while, he simply gave up. Too many texts gone unanswered… too many hours spent on hoping to mend things.

 

Even now he still had the faintest glimmer of hope that they could indeed fix it.

 

That they would get back together, and he would feel loved again.

 

But alas that was wishful thinking on his part.

 

So many thoughts plagued him about what happened to the brunette. But none of them felt right. None of them felt… 

None of them felt correct.

He blamed himself. 

 

He blamed himself for everything.

 

 

“Artificially, handcrafted hope. Is such a feat even possible? Even with such a steady hand and level headed thinking, is such a procedure even possible?”

 

“Even so. This project is the very reason why this academy was established. This academy was meant to take in the most talented students and study their abilities.”

 

“But headmaster, this project seems tedious. What if something goes wrong during the operation?”

 

“For the good of the academy we will have to cover it up.”

 

“And what if something were to happen to the patient receiving this operation? What will you tell his parents?”

 

“Both his parents are deceased. There is no one to inform. And if something were to go wrong and he…”

 

“He would be replaced correct?”

 

“Do not say it like I can just get another replacement. Even if he is part of an experiment, we gave him an option. A choice that he could back out and go back to his old high school. Even if he's an experiment, he's still a student.”

 

“However he is no longer going to be the same student. The one before was simply a normal person lacking in talent. Now we have the ability to create a revolutionary genius!”

 

“But if this were to get out to the public, the academy will be shut down and the students will unfortunately go down with us. This man made genius… This entire procedure is not one to take lightly.”

 

“Of course headmaster.”

 

“It still is sad. That boy seemed to have close relations in his class. To me it is unfortunate that he agreed to this.”

 

“It was the only way he could stay. Otherwise he would have been sent back to his old high school.”

 

“Are we considered human if we even go through with this?”

 

“I am not sure. Experimenting on another human being is not exactly a way of humane values. However, the boy did agree which means he knows of the hazardous conditions that he can endure. Are you sure you want to continue with the project?”

 

“... yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda filler. I apologize for my absence. I've been having a difficult time recently so this is, unfortunately, all you'll be able to receive from me for a bit.


	12. Snowfall

Tick, tock.

 

Tick, tock.

 

Tick, tock.

 

The ticking of the clock filled the room. It was the only sound that was heard. It was a rhythmic sound, one anyone would know just by the subtle ticking. Some found it soothing and others found it annoying. It depended on the person. Either way it was only a noise. A meaningless sound that signaled nothing. Just a mere disturbance to the silence that should have swept across the empty, vacant room. It was just a regular room filled with desks and a chalkboard at one end. Windows too but they were blocked by curtains that separated the sunlight from the dark room. The darkness was comforting in a way he supposed. A man made genius. Created talent. 

 

Such a feat intrigued him. It made him intrigued but then… 

 

His eyes scanned the room with blatant disinterest. It was completely generic, nothing to distinguish it from a normal classroom, and frankly he was not interested in such a room. It was not different from any other room to him. 

 

Tick, tock.

 

Tick, tock.

 

Tick, tock.

 

The clock chimed repeatedly. But he wasn’t interested in looking at the time. It mattered not what time it was for him. Day, night, it was all a cycle. An recurring cycle that was absolutely unstoppable. You couldn’t control it and you couldn’t change it. 

 

Talent created by the likes of petty beings interested in interfering with the likes of a man's personality in order to create someone he wasn't. Such a feat interested him not. A steady hand slicing the brain with a scalpel could easily be done by himself. 

 

The chill in the air made him shiver and he looked at the clock, examining the time. 

 

11:35

 

He stood up from the chair, his bare feet hitting the cold oak floor. He shivered and stepped into his slippers. He stepped forward, his feet shuffling, and slid open the door. 

 

The hall was dark signaling that it was nighttime. He shifted and walked out of the room down the hallway. The rest of the building was calm and quiet, not a single soul in the building other than him. He wandered around, finding the stairwell. He began his way down the stairs and to the front of the building. He opened the door and stepped outside.

 

White flurries fell from the sky melting once it hit his baby blue clothing. He placed his hand out as the snow fell from the sky. His eyes stared as the small snowflakes melted in the palm of his hand. He continued walking and leaned against the small brick wall of the garden. It was covered with frost, the trees coated in white beauty. The moonlight shined down on the white, the snow shimmering. 

 

The pale white snow was cold. The bitter chill made him shiver but he found a small fondness for the calming sight. The streetlights illuminated the trees and the pale white, the pavement beginning to be lightly coated. 

 

He pulled his grey overthrow closer to him, shivering. He looked up to the sky, watching the stars. The twinkling bright lights in the deep blue horizon. They were relaxing to him. But he didn't understand why or what they meant. He sighed and closed his eyes, letting the cold hit his face. 

 

“It's late. What are you doing?” A voice asked.

 

He slowly opened his eyes still gazing up.

 

Footsteps sounded nearing him before they stopped and he sensed they were beside him. However they didn't say anything. They were looking up at the sky just like him. He welcomed the silence.

 

He cast a glance next to him. A tall man with purple hair stood beside him. He was dressed in a suit with a button up coat keeping him warm from the cold. His purple eyes stared up at the sky, a smile cast on his face. He recognized him. It was the headmaster. 

 

“Relaxing to just sit and look at the stars like this. The snow’s a plus.” The middle aged man chuckled, patting his shoulder. “Not the talkative type, huh, Kamukura?” The man was answered with a blank, bored stare. 

 

“Well, even so, you're quite the kid. And not a lot of kids get to sit back and watch a relaxing sight like this. Not even my daughter enjoys things like this, but I think it's good to just sit back and relax. Even if something happens, you still have sights like this to help us relax and remember the good in life. It's nice to just sit and look at how beautiful nature is. It calms us in a way others can't.”

 

The man smiled at him. “I think you'll be a great kid. You'll do some good things in your life, and no matter how hard it gets just find a way to relax. Be wise.”

 

Suddenly something warm was placed on his shoulders. It was the coat the man was wearing. He looked back up at the man in wonder, but the man just smiled. “You looked cold. Don't worry, I'll be fine without it. I'm not going to be out here for very long, but you seem like you might. Just be careful. Don't stay out too late.” 

 

With that the man walked away, his crimson eyes watching his every step.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! So some may recognize my name from Wattpad. I'm new to Archive of Our Own, so please be nice. I'm still trying to get the hang of things, but regardless I hope you all enjoy my story!


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